kimberlykoopmantemp

Today Marks Two Years

kimberly.koopman@icloud.com (Kimberly Koopman) — Sat, 13 Nov 2021 21:10:37 GMT

Today marks 2 years.

Two years of learning what it means to sacrifice fully.

To sacrifice with very little or nothing in return.

2 years today marks Harlejs bravery and determination to do what he was trained to do.

And the sacrifice of his life is one I will not likely ever forget.

I’m hardly a person who likes to dwell too long in suffering…

I welcome it….because I know it’s good for me….and connects me to others.

But I rarely stay there too long.

We need to take from suffering the gift it gives us, but it can be a dangerous place if spent too long dwelling there.

So instead of sharing sorrow today…

I want to share a few of the very SIMPLE lessons these last few years have given or shown us.

Because our hard times only continue to be hard if we don’t see and share the lessons we have learned.

Lesson #1

Sacrifice spreads positivity in a way selfishness can never.

Look at any hero in history.

Their sacrifice always inspired a ripple effect, felt even centuries later.

Our world often creates a lot of selfish people. Trying to get ahead, putting themselves before others.

So when we have someone willing to step up and be selfless, people are inspired to follow.

Action:

Even when it’s hard, and uncomfortable…Be selfless. Step up.

Lesson #2

You need good men who are willing to do bad things in order for society to work for the weaker man to remain safe.

This is a statement that has seemed to have gotten lost in our world today.

With the increased rise in “do what makes you happy” and armchair quarterbacking everything that’s controversial it’s caused the world to feel like we get to say anything that will bring the drama….with no consequence.

As opposed to looking at the situation for what it is and being reminded that sometimes for the greater good we need to do the more controversial thing.

Action:

Make a choice to be one of the good men who step up, OR stop judging those who do.

Lesson #3

GOOD things come from BAD situations.

Any of us who have ever truly looked at life can attest to this sentence.

While the loss of Harlej was a really hard and eye opening experience, the blessings that reigned down on us after his death became uncountable.

From the people we have met, to the experiences extended to us…

The people who come up to Jarred and I on the street to just share how Harlejs sacrifice effected them has probably been my favorite.

There isn’t one thing that we have taken for granted because of the ripple effect of his sacrifice for the community.

Action:

Don’t be afraid of the hard and tough situations in life.

You’re likely to be rewarded if you keep your chin up.

Lesson #4

No day is guaranteed.

As a police wife, I’m not often worried on a daily basis for Jarred and his partner.

Mostly because of the awesome community we live in but because I also make the CHOICE every day to put Jarred and Rico’s (and at the time Harlejs) lives’ in Gods hands.

While I realize I enjoy controlling as much as I possibly can, there are just some things I WILL NEVER control.

THE TIMING OF LIFE.

It reminds me to live today present, humble and happy.

There are so many things I can’t control in this world…

But the things I can, like my attitude and effort, I better use to the best of my abilities.

Action:

Be present and Be steadfast in the things you can control and give the rest up to God.

Lesson #5

Believe in the good.

I’m not going to lie. This has been a hard one for me these past few years.

With the current political and healthcare climate it’s hard to know what the heck is happening let alone how to feel about it all.

“Don’t be too far left, but don’t be too far right,” they say.

At the same time as corrupt people and organizations having alot of control over the way the world is running.

Anxiety and depression on the rise and people living in fear.

“Does anyone have a persons best interest at heart?”

Harlejs death reminds me that good wins over evil.

That we don’t always know how, or that we don’t always know when but that good wins ALWAYS.

Action:

Even in fear, believe in the good.

I can not end this post without sharing the incredible and most important gift he gave me.

Harlej's death was one of the only factors that allowed Jarred and the other guys to come home that night.

Without the gunshot, they would have never known he was armed and clearly dangerous.

The call was for a drunk driver.

What they didn’t know was that the guy was connected to murders in Indianapolis and over 20 shootings in a month and a half.

A dangerous and known criminal.

I am so grateful of the number of training hours Jarred and his K9 partners put in. For their call to this career and the passion they have for it.

Truthfully, that night scared me.

Being woken up to horrifying news shook me.

While it wasn’t Jarreds life, it was one of our own.

And his life, being a k9 represents something bigger than I really understood until that moment.

The very thin line between good and evil and those willing to hold that line for the greater good.

I am grateful to Harlej who would run in to save Jarred a million times over.

May I live everyday being reminded of your lessons Harlej.

— Kim

PERFECTLY READY in my BROKENNESS

kimberly.koopman@icloud.com (Kimberly Koopman) — Wed, 23 Sep 2020 13:18:37 GMT

“ I serve well in my brokenness NOT just when I’m perfect and ready.”

I had a thought today.

As I was in my prayer time....which doesn’t happen when it should..but when I need it.

...this thought....

Do I come today in service to you God to be a gift I can serve the world with as my broken self?

Or do I come to you ready to serve when I’ve got all of myself figured out?

It’s the thing we all do.

Wait.

To put our purpose or our gift out there until we are perfect and ready.

We wait in fear.

Knowing we are NOT perfect and ready.

...And question: will we ever be ready?

We worry.

Because the world makes us believe that everyone else around us is NOT broken and has it all together.

So I thought....

Is our gift to the world only good when we "GET perfect"?

Or is what we have to give STILL GOOD even in our brokenness?

Do we wait until we have figured out the problems and have solved them and are now the savior of our own lives?

As if we were once broken and are now whole?

And I felt These words...

“You serve well IN your brokenness Kim.....not just when you are perfect and ready.

Because you are PERFECTLY READY in your brokenness."

So often we feel like we have to have it all together.

That we are perfectly managing ourselves to have the answers and to be the best.

To.be.Perfect.

And even in my own experience....

My own life in the last 5 years has grown to be bigger than I ever imagined....

Not through some sort of “having figured it out”...

But by sharing my struggle. My brokenness.

It is not in perfection that people are attracted to my work or my gift.

But BY my brokenness.

My want to share my struggles. In hopes that others can share in it and feel less alone.

Gods promise isn’t a life void of struggle...

But a life, if we lend our hearts to a beautiful blend of gratitude and struggle, of TRUE happiness.

And in that.... is something that I can lean on.

Because none of us are less broken than the other.

We are all capable of greatness THROUGH our brokenness.

Every Single Day

kimberly.koopman@icloud.com (Kimberly Koopman) — Fri, 22 May 2020 03:55:18 GMT

Photo taken by: Gloria Neidermann

January 30th, 2019

As long as I can remember I was a go getter.

I didn’t just sit by while others hustled around me.

Even as a kid. I was always moving. Always Active.

Those who couldn’t keep up usually went to take a nap in the afternoon while I continued on.

I thought slowing down was for the “weaker” minded.

It’s often portrayed that those with “success” worked so hard at the one thing they wanted to be successful at that everything else goes to the wayside....

Or at least for a while.

So what happens to the person who has big goals but doesn’t want to give up on everything else they have going on in their life?

As life continues to evolve for me, I’m gaining such perspective on SIMPLICITY.

And if I’m being honest the ideas of success and big goals and a life of simplicity do not automatically go hand in hand.

If anything they seem like opposites.

I’ve had a few come to Jesus moments lately. A few philosophical conversations with friends. And some really deep and tough chit chats with Jarred about this said topic.

How can someone find big goal success and simplicity in life at the same time?

The answers.

Through DISCIPLINE and CONSISTENCY.

If you’re struggling right now keeping up your New Years resolutions... or the promises you have made to yourself time and time again...

Remember this.

Discipline and consistency are not something you EARN by just doing it.

They’re something that even when you get to your goals...you STILL have to work hard at discipline and consistency EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Suffering can often be what SAVES us

kimberly.koopman@icloud.com (Kimberly Koopman) — Fri, 22 May 2020 03:49:49 GMT

November 21, 2018

This pictures depicts such a high point in my life.

The girls and I up on stage together, top 5.

But what you don’t see is that this was the deepest, darkest time of my life.

I was completely depressed. Dealing with post partum depression still, even though our youngest son was a year and a half old.

My marriage was not only suffering but was falling to pieces. I wanted very little to do with being a mom and my life choices were completely selfish and destructive.

The even scarier part was I wasn’t even aware of the suffering I was going through.

So I suffered alone.

Pushing everything I couldn’t handle anymore away.

Even though this looks like a HIGH point....it was really my LOWEST.

What a person never understands is the battle going on in someone’s life.

The suffering or the hardships they face regardless of their own volition or not.

Its a good reminder to know we all suffer at some degree in life.

That having suffered makes us more VALUABLE, more CAPABLE and more CONNECTED to each other.

If it wasn’t, Jesus would never have SUFFERED to SAVE us.

I have been there. I have walked the dark night.

And through the suffering I gained so many things I could never have possessed without the hardship.

It’s one of the main reasons I got into coaching.

To help people understand that suffering and hard times doesn’t mean a hard life.

But that life is just taking a whole new turn for the best.

They CHERISH YOU

kimberly.koopman@icloud.com (Kimberly Koopman) — Fri, 22 May 2020 03:40:04 GMT

September 29th, 2019

Tonight I physically had to STOP myself mid vacuuming.

As I’ve stated before I’m a task freak.

Give me a list and I’ll get it done.... (except that NEVER dwindling home one ��)

I need reminders to just BE with my children.

While I LOvE them beyond measure and love spending time with them....

Unless someone’s bleeding, there are sirens or they are talking at me directly... the tasks that fall top of mind are my own personal ones....

While my husband Jarred does ALOT for our family.....I’m usually the keeper of all the keys as the mom and wife right?!

Can you slightly relate?

So I left the vacuum sitting there. Literally in the middle of the floor and I said ‘come on boys! Let’s get ready for bed and then we can read books.’

And then we just hung out till they had to go to bed.... we laughed. We talked about the day. We talked about what was bothering us.

Yes, do I want a clean house?

Yes, do I want the things I need to do to get done?

Sure do...

But the boys won’t ever remember if the house was vacuumed everyday.

They’re going to remember the nights they stayed up a little longer than normal to read books with their mom.

Or the time she chose ME over work for 15 minutes.

OR the conversation we had about liiiittteeerrraallly NOTHING.

So I encourage u today.

Put down the book or the spatula, or the work, or the actual vacuum and be reminded that your kids look up to you.

They CHERISH YOU.

And they want YOU.

Not the TV. Or the IPAD.

They want YOU.

Living in the world of EMOTIONS

Wed, 29 Apr 2020 21:55:43 GMT

One of the things I spend a lot of time reiterating to others in sessions is that dealing with emotions and feelings is a NEW PHENOMENON to MOST PEOPLE.

I ask these questions often....

When is the last time you have had a person teach YOU or a time to learn about YOU?

When is the last time you spent time talking about things that YOU think about with no one to judge YOU..only to listen and ask questions to draw YOU deeper in YOUR understanding of YOURSELF?

When is the last time that YOU thought that all of your un-put together, imperfectly arranged thoughts that don’t make sense to even YOU, could come out while talking to someone?

When is the last time YOU talked to someone about the real and deep things YOU have experienced, to have that person not feel pity for YOU but to help YOU through that experience or trauma...all so YOU can move on with the life you want?

I haven’t come across many who have said a different answer than:

NEVER.

Isn’t that astonishing?

We live in a world where unless we’re not working on bettering ourselves we’ve gone down the deep and dark hole of life...

And somehow find ourselves in stores, rooms, houses with tons of people...

Yet feel SO ALONE.

NOT ENOUGH.

And DEPRESSED about life.

How is this possible?

We are emotional people unaware that everything in life deals with EMOTIONS.

And we’re hard on ourselves for not knowing truly ANYTHING about our emotions.

Either that...or we’re in denial that we don’t know anything about our emotions.

I think I can say this, because I feel like I am a pretty aware human who KNOWS emotions...yet I lived over 30 years like a fetus....completely unaware of what feelings and emotions were capable of doing in my life.

Why is this you ask?

As we grow...

We learn about reading. We learn about writing. We learn about business classes and we learn how to cook. We learn about the body and we learn about religion.

We learn to take care of our bodies by eating right and exercising.

We learn to take care of our spirit by growing in faith and going to church.

We even have learned a little in the last 10 years about how important it is to mentally be in a good place by finding things that make us happy and help us not live in depression.

But when do we ever take classes or gain knowledge about our emotions and feelings?

Have YOU ever taken a class on knowing YOUR emotions?

If you have, then you are one of the few among many....

And I guarantee you have either had one of two things.....

1. A mother or father who was emotionally intelligent. Who taught you that emotions and feelings are one of the most important facets of life.

2. That you’ve hit rock bottom or struggled in life and decided you’ve had enough. You've talked to someone who has shown you what it means to learn about the emotions that come from experiences and hurts and traumas....as well as beautiful and happy moments.

I am not talking about the basics of emotions.

Like I am sad. Therefor I am sad.

Or.... I am excited. Therefor I am excited.

I am talking more in depth.

At the deeper meaning behind a sad feeling.

Like what is making me sad right now?

Why does this make me sad?

What does this sad feeling make me think about myself?

Or...

What about this experience right now makes me happier than I have felt in months?

Where in my life have I felt this happy?

What is making me feel happy right now?

I am a firm believer that as we go through life...

We experience many things.... some of which are good and some of which are bad.

When we experience hurts and traumas....or feelings we don’t enjoy without knowing how to deal with our emotions we SWEEP THEM UNDER THE RUG.

Not dealing with them for the moment.

That mountain of “dirt” becomes so big that then we may finally have to face it.

See...when we don’t deal with our emotions and feelings in life, they control us. They build....and grow arms and legs.

We become so toxic inside that the outcome to that toxicity is:

ANXIETY

FEAR

SELF HATRED

FEELING OVERWHELMED

SELF LOATHING

DEPRESSION

Have you ever felt any of these feelings before?

I sure have.

And seeing it in my own life has shown me that those deeper issues exist whether I want to face them or not.

I learned that there were some sort of unresolved feelings there that need to be talked about or felt.

And as I faced some of those hard truths, I realized that instead of CHAINING myself to an unwanted characteristic, that it actually freed me to be the person I want and am meant to be.

So I urge you...and encourage you...

That if you have felt any of these feelings, you aren't the only one. That it might take some sifting and sorting and looking deeper.

YOU don't have to live life in shame, fear or anxiety.

That we all are coming from back grounds of unknowing.

My passion is to help you understand that you are not alone.

And to help YOU believe that life CAN be lived happier, healthier, and without all the toxicity.

Are YOU important to YOU?

Unexpected Reminders

Wed, 15 Apr 2020 22:08:32 GMT

As I was watching the news tonight (which I almost never do) something hit me...and I began to cry....

I keep telling people as they ask how we are doing after Harlej’s passing, that there are 2 real answers.... either I say “we are doing great.”

And-slash-or “there is some healing that can’t happen till it happens.”

Before his k9 training to get his new k9 partner Rico, I continued to tell Jarred that there are some emotions we just can’t work through without being put into an experience that makes us emotional.

That’s when the real healing happens.

In this moment in time...with 85% of the American public working from home you realize the emergent necessity of a career in police work. Among the necessity of many other service careers.

Somehow, My family is full of service men and women. A brother and a brother in law who are firemen, a husband and a brother in law who are police officers, a mother (who used to be) a sister and a sister in law who are nurses, and a brother in law who serves in the United States military.

These are all immediate family. And so I know how hard they are working leaving their homes to go out and be in the midst of what feels like the wild fire.

With so many people home, losing jobs, with kids home all day long, having to worry and work through school work, wondering where and how they’re going to pay for their lives...it is causing enormous amounts of stress and hard situations for many many families.

I recognize and speak for the many police families who’s spouses or family members are having to go to dangerous calls of domestic violence, abuse and neglect.

Even tonight. As Jarred is working. I hear sirens race past our house...And I pray. For everyone involved. That they would be kept safe.

And how I worry for my husband more today than I usually do.

As I told Jarred not many weeks ago as he was having an experience with Rico that reminded him of Harlej that “there are only certain things that come up as we live our lives that will show us where we need healing”

...tonight of all random nights....

I had my own reminder.

I have avoided (out of my own emotional security) much emotion towards a very specific news worthy story.

A woman, mother and police officer who died last week while responding to a domestic disturbance here in Indianapolis.

Officer Leath was going to a call which is NOT unlike many of the normal calls all police go to that ended her life and changed the lives of her son and family in ONE SPLIT SECOND.

As I was watching, it hit so close to home.

— For us, 5 months deep and the immediate feelings aren’t as palpable as they once were.

Feelings we had felt, had moved through us like vessels.

And as much as we wanted the feelings to stay, they’ve slowly vanished....

...only to be seen again in an experience or memory that brings us back to the hard truth of what has happened.

As I found myself listening....entranced by her story on the news I sat there and watched, and it was happening, like an undeniable force...streams of tears came down my face.

It brought up emotions in me.

Sad emotions. Feelings that the moments with Harlej were way to short and that his brave life ended so abruptly.

Sad feelings for Jarred, knowing the hard work and dedication that just ends and makes you have to begin all over again.

Fear that it could have been him that night.

The fear of the reality of life right now. Men and women RISKING their lives fighting the good fight.

When Harlej died, I remember family and friends engulfing our house. A continuous filing of cars and people mourning and celebrating in our home with us.

I remember hugs with random strangers. Tears with family and friends.

The people who came out to physically support us. The memories of closure in a beautiful and big funeral....for an officer who laid down his life for his team and community.

And the tears came too tonight...for officer Leath..... her selflessness. Her life.

And for her family that doesn’t have those same beautiful acts of love from their community right now.

In this uncertain time where distance is necessary.

Her family will NOT know the healing power of a hug from random strangers wanting to cry on your shoulder.

While they will have many officers show up to support and many people at home supporting....They will never know the healing power of the many thousands of people that would PHYSICALLY show up to shower love and support to a beautiful woman who died protecting others.

All of the things that gave us SO MUCH healing.

Not only for us, but for many others as well.

For them, the grieving will stay longer and the healing will have to come....many months later.

They will have their time to experience a memory...that brings them to feelings of healing that only come with time.

I never knew officer Leath personally.

I had never heard of her.

Yet she not only is leaving a beautiful legacy....

She is offering people like me....an experience through her death that’s a reminder of healing in my own life.....

And a memory I will cherish forever.

To Officer Breann Leath, thank YOU for your selflessness, your service and your life. You’ve left a mark on those who know you and love you....and even those who didn’t.

5 simple ways to create calm in the crazy

Thu, 19 Mar 2020 03:47:38 GMT

5 ways to create CALM in the CRAZY

Photo by: Gloria Neidermann

I’m not even sure I can say I know what a zombie apocalypse is....

But after this past 4 months I feel like I wouldn’t put it past things.

This has been the WEIRDEST 4 months of my life.

After being in the ER for 2 kidney stones, surgery, and Harlej dying along with just dealing with the emotions and the rollercoaster ride that was, I thought to myself....”well I think we’re good in the area of uncontrollables for at least the next year.”

...Cue a national crisis.

And something I noticed happened in me.

Ready for it?

Drum roll please....

ANXIETY.

That’s not really the big thing though.

The big thing is that I recognized MOST of the anxiety I was feeling was NOT my own.

It was the sheer panic of those around me.

The news channels we had on that we normally don’t watch.

The grocery stores that are running low of many essentials.

The businesses, schools, games, tournaments and places of recreation are all closed.

The continuous feeling of some ominous monster that’s coming to get us.

While I was not feeling “much” of my own anxiety, I was noticing I was feeling more of others anxiety and the stir that is being caused.

And I can tell you all are too!

So I put together 5 tips I’m using to combat the crazy while the world seems to be falling apart.

1. STOP. DROP. And get the real facts.

So much information is flying around. And not all of it is true.

We all have opinions. And we’re sharing them. Much like I am right now.

The problem I have with them is that they are being thrown out there with a lot of emotion. And we all know anything NOT processed has emotions. And those kinds of emotions cause fake news.

Even the news is often fake news. It’s all directed to make something look even more dramatic than it really is.

While no one can deny that this isn’t REAL, we have to know that there are places in the world of news that have the actual facts.

I recommend looking there.

Stay away from Facebook news, opinions and find the actual REAL facts.

2. Know what IS or IS NOT your own anxiety.

We are made up of energy. We all give off energy and feel energy. Some of us feel it much more than others....and in times like this we often feel MORE than our share.

Like I said...I have been feeling all kinds of different anxieties this past week.

But the most important part in keeping myself in check and not getting overwhelmed in knowing what is MY anxiety and what is SOMEONE ELSE’S.

When I took the time to understand what emotions I was feeling I realized 20% of the anxiety and worry I was feeling was my own and 80% was the panic I felt from those around me at the store and the messages I was seeing on my phone.

That’s a BIG difference and all avoidable if we KNOW what we’re dealing with.

3. Embrace the pace.

I asked my mom and dad if they have ever experienced this kind of whole world shut down and they said NO.

And I kept thinking...

What are the odds of this happening ever again in my lifetime?

If my parents who were born in the 50s have never experienced something like this...the likelihood of it happening again in my life is a probable NEVER.

Which on one hand praise be to sweet baby Jesus that we wouldn’t have to worry about this again....

But...

On the other, the question rings in my mind:

How can I embrace this?

When are you ever going to HAVE to calm your life down to simple again?

When are you ever going to HAVE no where but the store to go again?

When are you ever going to HAVE nothing but time again?

When are you ever going to HAVE the time to eat and embrace and play and sleep and watch movies and play board games with your kids or spouse?

While I understand there are many of us right now without payments coming in, bills about to be due, employees to manage, trying to figure out how to work from home.....

Let’s EMBRACE the pace and live for right now.

Make that dish you have been wanting to try that you haven’t had time to make.

Take a nap because you never have time to.

Play games on the floor or put legos together with your kids till your butt feels numb.

Find joy in simplicity.

4. Health is wealth.

Right now...it literally is.

While most people have stocked up on Clorox wipes and all the cleaning products my focus has been to keep mine and my family’s immune systems supported.

I still am cleaning most things around my house that come in and out of the door, keeping the germs at bay and not leaving our house for things other than necessities...

But our focus should be to not just keep the germs out...but to support from within.

Especially if you’re immune system is not where you wished it was when they’re a virus running rampant throughout the whole world....literally.

Try to keep sugars away, eat balanced clean meals and take your immune supportive supplements and do some meditation to keep your mind healthy.

As I always say....everything starts at the core.

And our health is top of that list.

5. Calming, creative and cultivates happiness.

If decor is your thing....find something to decorate.... (preferably in your home ��).

If sewing is your thing....find something to sew.

If cars are your things...find yourself a car to work on.

If reading is your thing....curl up with a good book.

My point is this...

Embracing the pace by doing the thing you never get to do that cultivates your creative spirit.

Find something that is is calming, creative and cultivates happiness.

It will feel stress relieving, and give you inspiration in your life...

And we need some inspiration right now in each of our lives.

My hope for the world after we’ve come out on the other side is a fresher more simple outlook on life.

Where we see what’s most important...

We let the BS wander away and lean into the things that REALLY matter.

And that we can see how it has taken every single person to choose each other over ourselves...... that we embrace how we can all came together to make this world a better place.

What does our CHILDHOOD BEHAVIORS & MARRIAGE have in common?

Tue, 11 Feb 2020 21:05:41 GMT

“ When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, I reasoned like a child.; When I became a man, I put away the childish things.”

This is the thought I had when I went to sit and write out this blog.

ALL....might I say it again, ALL of the things I write about, I write from experience.

And it’s no surprise to any who has read or who has followed along that I talk often about the beauty of life but ALSO extensively about how life and marriage has NOT been running through fields of daisies like my former thoughts were before marriage.

It’s the hardest work I’ve EVER done in my whole life.

While Jarred and I are in such a wonderful place now at 14 years of knowing each other...

...there were days...heck years where we didn’t understand each other, slightly wanted to punch each other (I say that as lovingly as I can....smiles*), were so angry with each other and just plain old wanted to avoid touching each other in the hall way.

We all know that one. You’re walking normal and as soon as the other comes into the hallway you somehow find a way to melt into the wall?!

If you can relate, that makes me feel better. If not, just know it’s real for some people.

I am a FIRM believer that most issues in life can be solved by learning about yourself. Marital issues HIGHLY included.

And I’m not talking about learning your pet peeves, or the things that make you angry or irritated. Those are surface level items.

I am talking about things like, what deep down makes you so insecure that you want to crawl into the wall rather than being noticed?

What deep down makes you more comfortable being like your avoidant father or mother than being the best version of yourself?

Things like what makes you an asshole to your kids or your spouse?

Or what causes you deep fear to run in the opposite direction of success?

I attribute a lot of marital issues to communication skills.

As I’m sure anyone in a professional counseling, therapy, or coaching career would agree with me.

As we all know...any relationship....friend, family or romantic deals with communication skills.

And most relationships where we see certain people only for part of our day in a professional way, a friendly way or a family way we tend to just make it work.

We overcompensate to make the others know exactly what we want them to understand or how we want things done. And vise versa.

We give most people the benefit of the doubt and we try to portray our point along with listening to them intently.

These grace periods in marriage wear off and we tend to give LESS to our spouse than to a random stranger or a work partner.

But one thing I rarely hear anyone really talk a ton about is what WE BRING INTO our marriages.

That being.... our childhood baggage (insecurities and fears), traumas and behaviors.

As children, through the process of growing up we adopt our parents ways of surviving.

If we are not in a family who understands the truth behind feelings and emotions, We subconsciously find ways to COPE with our experiences.

Which usually then, we react based on those coping skills we naturally acquired.

We often hear the word COPING as a positive.

Like “you’re coping so well with your new job.” Or “we just need to find a way for you to cope with your experience to feel better.”

And that, I have realized, is NOT a way I want to live my life or raise my kids.

To me, coping is like living half assed. AND...more importantly, not dealing with the deeper rooted issue. It’s like putting a bandaid over an infected wound.

Eventually....you won’t be able to avoid the wound any longer because it’s just too painful or it’s affecting your normal way of life.

Example: I continue to eat ice cream and watch Netflix any time I think about the boyfriend who broke up with me.....I am just learning to cope. I would rather NOT face my emotions and hurts by finding something to distract me than to deal with and go through the feelings and thoughts I need to to come out of it healthier and ready for a new relationship.

Instead of: Every-time we feel sadness or hurt, giving ourself time to think about what happened. Find ways to see where both parties went wrong, deal with the feelings around our insecurities and just feel the sadness and hurt. All, so we can come to a place of healthy healing. Don’t brush emotions and feelings under the rug.

Disclaimer: If we NEVER deal with these issues what happens?

We usually go into a new relationship with insecurities of not being enough....or fears that the other person is going to break it off, etc. causing insecurities and fears on top of one another. Which equals unstable people.

Friends!.... When it comes to feelings....

The only way to healing and getting past issues or traumas is THROUGH our feelings. Not around them.

This isn’t the place we get to skip past the hurt. To get to the place of healing means having to fully go through it. Feel the feelings, hurt a little, become aware of how hard it is and then get to the end a new and stronger person.

So where do our childhood hurts come into play with our marriages?

Good question Tina.

If we don’t deal with our childhood traumas, our childhood behaviors and our childhood baggage where does it go?

It doesn’t just MAGICALLY DISAPPEAR.

It shows up in jealousy, fear, insecurity, feelings of not being enough.

And when you pair THAT with another person who’s dealing with their own emotions and baggage and hurts doesn’t that look like the RECIPE FOR DISASTER?

Sure does to me!

.....and cue the Koopman household 5 years ago. I’m laughing slightly. Mostly, because it’s true.

Jarred and I were so at odds with each other not because of our inability to love each other..... BUT our UNKNOWING INABILITY to deal with our own personal baggage.

And I know I’ve said it before...a wise woman once told me:

"If you think your spouse needs to change, it’s really YOU that needs to change."

THIS friends is what I mean...

We DON’T get to a healthy marriage blaming our spouse for their lack of motivation.

We GET to a healthy marriage by looking at where WE as a person lack motivation.

We DON’T get to a healthy marriage by pointing out the log in our spouses eye.

We GET to a healthy marriage by looking at the log in our OWN eye.

We DON’T get to a healthy marriage by trying to control our spouse and their actions.

We GET to a healthy marriage by controlling OURSELVES.

And we can’t GET to a healthy marriage without the most important action:

Taking the intentional time to LEARN about who we really are. To our deepest core.

The things that make us angry. The things that make us insecure. The things that make us fearful and the things that we can’t let go of.

This is the real deal.

When people ask us how we changed our marriage from on the brink of divorce to a place of love and respect and friendship....

We say......”We still argue. We disagree and get impatient with each other. We are human beings who deal with stress and emotions and hardships just like everyone. We are continuously trying and forgiving one another.”

But...

...the most important thing we say is...

“We got here by working on ourselves.”

- Kim

Being a law enforcement family has its challenges

Tue, 28 Jan 2020 15:58:51 GMT

The way many people and the media currently portray the police community has had us wondering as if the question in our minds is true.

“Are there very many people who believe in the mission of what police men and women do everyday to protect between the line of good and evil?”

The job of police officer is completely UNPREDICTABLE. They never know exactly what their walking into, yet they ALWAYS go.

How many of us can say we would do that job? If I’m being honest, the largest part of me, WOULDN’T personally sign up to take that position.

Funny, the irony of being married to Jarred who did.

The hardest part of all, as a K9 team, they are most often front lines to any pursuit.

As a wife, I often worried whether Jarred and Harlej would come home each night together.

The countless times we shouted goodbye as they would run out the door to help someone who needed them was the exact reason I felt so grateful that Jarred had his K9 partner with him.

Harlej was a part of our family. The boys spent numerous hours playing fetch with him and as any dog, he would play until he got tired. Then he would take his Kong toy and sit right in the middle of my flowers to cool off. I would usually notice and say “Harlej! No buddy!”....as Jarred would laugh.

Every single morning, Jarred would take him for his morning walk and no matter what the boys were doing they raced to get their boots and jackets on to take a walk with them.

November 13, 2019 is a date etched into our hearts. A horrifying memory. It is the night Jarred called me at 3:30 in the morning to tell me that Harlej was shot and died while searching for someone who had ran from them.

The sorrow in his voice was palpable.

I cried, terrified, hoping it was only just a nightmare.

It is the call NO police wife should ever have to hear and the one we all pray, if it has to happen, skips over our family.

One of the other officers working that night, a good friend of ours, came to the house to pick the boys and I up and brought us to the hospital. It is where we saw Harlej and were able to say goodbye one final time.

That morning, Jarred came home alone. Without his partner and to a feeling of emptiness.

When we left the hospital I thought WE would be sad. That the SHIFT would be sad. And that we might have a quiet little funeral at the police department.

But when 6:00 am came and the news broke the story, we never couldn’t have imagined the whirlwind that ensued upon our world.

Our phones blew up with friends and family who wanted to know if Jarred was ok and how sorry they were to hear the news about Harlej.

The days that followed became a blur and our house became a place people came to process their feelings around what had just happened. It was a revolving door from anytime in the afternoon until the wee hours of the night.

Friends, and family, officers and administrators came to make sure we were ok. They brought food upon food, gifts and cards, things to make the boys smile and shared memories of how Harlej had impacted their lives.

When Jarred and I learned that so many people had brought dog treats, cards, posters and pictures we were BLOWN AWAY. There were flowers, and wind chimes, stuffed animals and tennis balls. All to honor OUR hero Harlej.

Gifts, monetary donations to the K9 fund, police patches and coins, photos and blankets, not to mention the cards that came not only from our community but from all over the United States and Canada. We are still receiving things...and it’s January.

As we read the cards and listened to your stories, I thought back to the morning at the hospital when I wondered how this was going to affect us and realized, IT WASN’T just us....

This tragic loss was affecting our whole community.

It was RIPPLING from our hearts, to our police family. Rippling to the extension of the blue line family, to families all over the country and beyond.

This wasn’t just a story about a dog dying.

It was the story being written about how SELFLESSNESS PREVAILS for the greater good of the whole.

It’s what officers do on a daily basis.

The men and women who went into danger that night with Jarred and Harlej are heroic. The countless men and women who on duty did their jobs so no one else got hurt, those who came while off duty to search to find the evidence left behind, and those who fought to make the wrong that happened that night into a story of success. NOT FAILURE. ...Our family is so grateful to you.

It’s taken me some time to process how much this has meant to me. To our family. And I think more processing is still to come.

To someone who was questioning whether people still believe in what officers do in the fight between good and evil... I NO LONGER question.

You have given me a hope that could never come without such tragedy. You have shown me that there IS a belief in the mission of what police officers stand for. Instead of shouting your views on the rooftops, you SIMPLY and EFFECTIVELY show up.

You surround the ones who need you and you support in a way that has physically, emotionally and mentally CHANGED US.

We are a simple family that believes in simple living.

We are very aware that NO ONE has to do anything. Nothing has been required by anyone. No gifts or cards needed to be sent, no money gifted. Not one fundraiser or gift sent.

And yet so much has been given. So much support has been shown and you all have gifted us with a new perspective on how to look at this life with GRATITUDE.

We can no longer move forward in the same ways as we did before this experience.

We are proud of what, in Harlej’s sacrifice, has given us.

We are proud to be a police family.

And all of this couldn’t have happened WITHOUT the support of our community.

You have lifted us when we felt sorrow.

You supported us in love.

And you gave us a renewed view of what it means to be a family who sacrifices for the greater good.

Thank you doesn’t come close, to express how grateful we are.

Sometimes, I can’t believe this whole time, we were living with a HERO.

Thank you Harlej....for uniting a community and showing us what real selflessness is.

How being wounded deeply can get you rewarded greatly

Mon, 20 Jan 2020 19:56:01 GMT

You know that moment in a movie where the hero of the story has journeyed to fight and been defeated?

Where they get up again and try and nothing seems to work?

And then....when what seems as though all hope is lost....they find a sliver of hope and defeat the bad guy?

That’s REAL LIFE.

A lesson we can use today in our lives.

Maybe not the superpowers, or the kings and queens being conquered but the moral of the story.

I heard today, that the greatest hero’s that have come before us, and are still to come have been WOUNDED DEEPLY and REWARDED GREATLY.

And any person who’s struggled though some HARD stuff in their life to once again find themselves in a better place WILL AGREE with me on this one.

Trust me though when I say, I am not perfect in finding peace with the struggle all the time.

I think I’ve just struggled and been my analytical self along the way long enough to notice the similarities inside the CORRELATION between STRUGGLE and SUCCESS.

And I have to say....they go hand in hand.

You can’t take one with out the other.

Which, when we’re watching a movie or looking into someone else’s life seems like “well duh!”....

But when it comes to OURSELVES we expect to do it perfect the first time, never to struggle and to just know what the heck we’re doing....all without a little practice and learning.

BUT truly.....I think deep down we don’t believe it.

We ourselves, DON’T believe that we should know how to do everything.

It’s EXPECTATION.

It’s what we think OTHERS expect of us.

It’s that we believe that others think we should know how to do it.

Or that we don’t want to look like we don’t have things all together.

Or that for some reason, we’re just so amazing to know how or what to do without trying or practice.

That’s NOT real life.

Like my grandma used to say.....well Let me tell you.

Life doesn’t work that way.

I don’t think God designed for us to just know it all without struggle or practice or trying. (In heaven...yes. On earth...heck no)

So I’ve come up with 5 simple ways to embrace struggle as part of your success story.

1. Stop allowing others to expect things for YOUR life.

Would you ever expect someone to do all the things YOU say THEY should do?

Why would you expect the same from others for your life?

You are the keeper of your key.

Only you alone can expect things of yourself for them to come true.

Allowing others opinions or expectations to dictate how you live your life is only going to have you living in regret. With a capital R.

Not happiness and definitely not success.

...

2. Struggle does not equal brokenness

When we can get to the place in our lives where we can see struggle as a necessity and not something we just wish we could skip over....

....we’ve truly won.

We are so afraid of looking broken that we push away anything that vaguely looks like it.

Struggle, pain, emotions, etc.

Struggle does NOT equal brokenness.

Struggle equals strength.

...

3. Heroism requires you to pull up your adult pants.

I mean, this ones pretty self explanatory.

No great victor ever had mommy or daddy dragging behind them.

They usually were the ones that saw what was ahead.....

....the great valley of terror, the dragon atop the tall tower, the soldier on the opposing side.... forging ahead.

No one else can fight your battles for you.

If they do...it’s not called winning...it’s called being enabled.

...

4. Expect less of others.

Have you ever noticed that the things you judge people for are the same things you worry others are judging YOU for?

Same thing....give people grace. Allow others to learn as they go and don’t expect them to be in the same place you think they should be.

I guarantee when you shift your mindset about others.....you will shift your mindset of yourself and what others expect of you.

Mostly because you will care a lot less of what others think.

Win win.

...

5. Positive patty got the worm.

All of the most genuinely positive people I know...are some of the most successful people I know.

The law of attraction states:

“That which you focus on is what you will attract.”

Finding yourself on the struggle bus and the driver won’t stop?

Well....he only stops for patty. Positive patty that is.

It’s no coincidence that the most fulfilled individuals in life are the ones who choose positivity in their lives rather than negativity.

...

Do I struggle with the fact that I struggle at things?

Yes. I sure do.

And every day I am working on leaving my care of what the world expects of me to embrace struggle as the necessary part of the plan of success. And when I do that. Some how....it puts me at ease.

If today, you find yourself at the brink of defeat, FORGE AHEAD my friend!

.....you’re most likely about to uncover a success in your near future.

Photo by Gloria Neidermann

What is my purpose?

Mon, 06 Jan 2020 19:59:45 GMT

The more I have opened up about the REAL parts of my life with people, the more I am made aware that I am not alone.

It’s also given me so much encouragement in being the real me.

It’s been a doozy in the Koopman house the last and 4th quarter of the year.

And to top it off I ended up having the doctors surgically remove the kidney stone that was lodged in my body and was deciding to never come out.

I was told that I wouldn’t be down and out for longer than a day or so and My sister heather was here visiting over the holidays.

Needless to say, I WAS down and out for much more than a day or two and was on heavy pain medicine that made me loopy and not coherent to ALL the conversations. We are a family that uses mostly natural sources of medicine when we get sick, feel flu-ish or just in general need to feel better. So to be on doses of highly effective pain medicine took me a few days to recover fully.

I can’t count how many times Heather said to me, “You’ve told me that already” or “I’ve told you that 3 times already”. All lovingly of course.

So what I’m trying to say is that that’s why you haven’t heard much from me on the blog side of things.

It was all for your own protection I wasn’t allowed to medicate and blog.

In going with the doozy of an ender to the year, since Heather left and the holidays were all celebrated, most people have gone back to work and we’ve been able to have a moment to live on the OTHER side is crazy.....

I’ve been doing some DEEP and REAL processing.

The kind that had me crying ugly tears and needing Kleenex so snot didn’t run down my face.

December 2018, I was doing alot of vision board seminars...helping people get geared up for the new year.

Setting new goals, getting myself and others excited about the NEXT year to unfold and begin with a bang!

I even had the boys making their own vision boards to display.

Fast forward one whole year to now....

No vision boards have been made....

No new goals have been set....

And I am definitely NOT set up and organized to start this year off with a bang.

Quite the opposite from last year.

So the last 4 days have been a really emotional and deep moment in time for me.

Sometimes I wonder....

“My profession is a Life Coach.

Is it expected of me to have all my crap together?

Am I suppose to know ALL THE THINGS to be relevant?

What’s my purpose beyond this?”

And then when you add in all the contemplation with the feelings of being behind on all the new year plannings and top it all off with just in general exhaustion....

....the mountain EXPLODES. The processing really starts....

...and you find yourself in a place uncertain.

If you’re like me, when this happens Life skills go out the window and I’m good to make some basic food, maybe vacuum a bit but my body is moving at a snails pace.

But as my family has given me some time, I have been in conversation through writing with others and have been journaling, LIFE has taken on new meaning.

While I know all the answers.....I still need to process through the questions.

Just a few of my answers:

I DON’T HAVE TO HAVE MY CRAP TOGETHER....and neither do you.

One thing I often tell my clients is that one thing will continue to be true in finding a good coach..... you need someone who hasn’t ‘MADE IT’. You need someone processing through life continuously just like you.

Life is a journey...one that is a cyclical pattern. NOT a straight line. We don’t move forward without moments of cycling back around specific areas when we need to.

Sometimes you cycle back to the same thing 5 times....but every time you leave with a new perspective.

This will be a FOREVER practice for me.

Why do we give others grace to not have everything together but expect perfection within ourselves?

We shouldn’t. Perfection is relative. And an ongoing hallucination.

If you feel the need to be perfect...maybe it’s time to take a gander inside and see what’s making you NOT FEEL ENOUGH in your soul.

I DON’T HAVE TO KNOW ALL THE THINGS TO BE RELEVANT.

I’m a firm believer that we learn what we need to when we need to know it.

And that we KNOW what we want inside.

Sometimes it takes a person or a coach to just be a listening ear to give you insight into what you really want.

We don’t have to be scientists, or geniuses to do GREAT things.

We just need to be US. Unapologetically ourselves.

There is no one who can do what we can and no one who can deliver the message the way we are meant to.

It doesn’t require all the knowledge or experience. It requires authenticity and a genuine heart.

All the other things fall into place.

WHAT IS MY PURPOSE BEYOND ALL OF THIS?

Often I need to regroup.

I have big goals. Big dreams. Sometimes I want to put the cart before the horse and just have it all right now.

But there’s an art to patience.

And a beauty in believing that where we are right now is the right stepping stone we need to be on.

Some of the stuff I have been processing as of late IS JUST THIS....

WHAT IS MY PURPOSE?

Kinda grueling huh?

And some of you might be thinking...”how DOESN’T the life coach know her purpose?”

To that I say,

When do we ever get to the final destination of our forever purpose?

Right now, my purpose is a few things....but In a few years my purpose will change slightly.

Why?

Because I won’t be the same woman then.

My children will be older. My business will have grown. My husbands business will have grown and our marriage will be better than is it today. Among the many things that change daily for us.

How can I expect my purpose to be the same?

The one thing you will always find here is INSPIRATION to KEEP finding your purpose everyday.

If you expect to stay the same every day, week, month or year then I am here to tell you this....you are dying.

And it’s only a matter of time before you become either UNHAPPY, UNFULFILLED, or IN NEED OF CHANGE.

The best part about this is that there is no wrong path if you truly seek to find yourself.

You have the knowledge inside of where you want to go and what you want your purpose to be.

Sometimes it just takes a few moments alone, or some time to talk with someone who’s trustworthy to give you back unbiased advise.

And sometimes it just takes a simple realization to know that what you seek, is what you will find.

.....If you are willing to go at it wholeheartedly.

And what I WILL tell you is this:

To seek wholeheartedly your purpose, you will find, HAPPINESS, CONTENTMENT, SELF LOVE and BELIEF.

Any of those on your to do list to acquire?

And More than anything....

The one thing I want you to know is that this year doesn’t have to look the same as last year.

YOU have changed....therefor...so has YOUR PURPOSE.

Creating a family culture

Wed, 18 Dec 2019 15:34:15 GMT

Family time has always been my FAVORITE time.

As a kid, coming from a family of 7, who lived in the country, we were never shy of things to do around the house.

If it wasn’t playing barbies with my sisters, it was board games and card games and movies and popcorn in the living room. We danced and twirled in the kitchen as we wiped dishes (conveniently my parents didn’t have a dishwasher because they said they had 5 personal ones…eye roll*) and I’m pretty sure my older sister still has a welt from the towel snaps one of us gave her while doing the dishes.

Standing behind the ones who hold the thin blue line

Sat, 14 Dec 2019 20:11:25 GMT

The phrase, “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone” has been something circling in my mind the last month.

I’m going to preface this by saying I’m about to give you some facts....but please hold on, I’ll get to the point.

Jarred and I have been married for almost 9 years. He began his career with the police department less then a year later.

I’ve been in a group my whole life. As an identical triplet, I have been used to a bond that only 1 in 200 million can ever relate to.

I can talk about ANYTHING with them and even if they’ve never experienced it, I know they can semi relate.

I am grateful that LOVE IS BLIND because moving to Indiana from Saskatchewan Canada away from my triplet sisters, my family and friends to get married was TOUGHER than I expected.

I didn’t have friends here. I knew Jarred’s family and no one else.

We both played competitive sports since we were young until about the last 10 years.

So we know what it’s like to be on a team. To feel like you have a whole other family of people who care about you and invest in you.

10 years ago as we stopped playing...I thought that was over. Or at least until the boys get old enough and we will be involved in THEIR sports families.

Jarred got hired on at the police department as I was pregnant with Cannon. And I was so sick before I gave birth and completely depressed afterward. I also ran into the same pattern with the second pregnancy we had that resulted in a miscarriage. And then again as I was pregnant with Rowan.

So it was a good 6 years of being “AWAY” from the police department only to get to know a select few officers and their wives.

Jarred knows all the officers.

I, as a police wife, KNOW OF all the officers...and to that only actually know a very select few and their families.

I almost never went to any social gatherings other than the awards banquet and the Christmas shift party they have once a year. Not because I didn’t want to, but I was so busy dealing with life, depression, my marriage and babies.

The last three years though have been slowly and beautifully different.

As Jarred and I have been able to “come out of the woods” of family and life stuff we have been able to OPEN OUR FAMILY up to this department of police families.

We’ve been able to really dive into some amazing friendships with some of these families, feeling the effects of being on a team again.

Being with them after they delivered a new baby.

Having game nights, laughing till all hours of the night.

Pool parties.

One on one family dinners.

AND YET I STILL DIDNT UNDERSTAND what I would gain once something was gone.

Now don’t get me wrong.

We have Wonderful friends outside of the police department. I think it’s NECESSARY. Capitol on the necessary. Mostly to live in the world where good things do exist.

It’s really easy to get jaded by society when the large majority of people your spouse deals with are people doing the wrong thing, lying or trying to take advantage of situations.

But the important part of what I am writing here is that there are FEW people who understand what it’s like to be married to the person behind the badge.

And the beautiful thing I am understanding is that there are wives who have been here 15 years longer than me who I can learn from. And there are wives who are new who I can relate to.

Behind the badge, there are all kinds of stresses.

Especially the kind that has them thinking what could happen in the blink of an eye. I often say, I can mull over and make a VERY calculated choice and STILL make the wrong choice. Can you imagine making a life or death decision in a matter of seconds?

When they go to work...especially if they work nights we become an instant single parent. Toting our families around to extra curricular activities by ourselves.

Most police wives I know are very independent women. They wait for no one and they do what they must to keep the train on the tracks.

When something traumatic happens officers are the first ones there. Can you think what that does mentally to you after 25 years of service? Especially if you don’t have something outside of police work to focus on.

We as the spouses often have to NAVIGATE OUR feelings about the dangerous part of their job.

Often taking for it for granted that they go to work every night playing hide and seek with people who don’t want to get caught. Usually carrying weapons.

As harlejs death has been a reminder of how precious life is so am I reminded that there are people here who can relate to me. Who feel the pain of loss just like we do.

So when we get together for the annual police wives ornament exchange and I miraculously can go, I do.

Why?

Because it’s and extension of your own family.

They see life a smidge differently than other friendships.

Might it be because we hear about the death and danger that they deal with every single day? Maybe.

Mostly because we NEVER can be sure that they will come home night after night.

“You never know what you have until it’s gone” is a reminder of the REALITY of loss Jarred and I and the boys feel in Harlej’s death. And the same REALITY of loss felt by the many families directly related to any first line of duty death.

That they don’t go to work in a suit and a tie in a building that is SECURE. They put on a uniform to go in the UNSECURED spaces to help those in need.

But the statement is also a reiteration of what we HAVE STILL.

Its friendships with wives who understand your fears.

Its wives who understand your joys.

It’s wives who know the way you feel.

It a bond that by association you immediately feel with each other.

They’re often a huge reason you have meals for the next two weeks after something big happens.

They’re often the reason you know you’re not alone in your fears.

They’re often the reason you don’t even doubt they would be there if you called.

And you are grateful God made you a part of this beautiful team of women and men who are behind those who hold the thin blue line between good and evil.

5 simple ways to live happy without listening to everyone else

Thu, 05 Dec 2019 02:03:57 GMT

I think I started at least 5 blogs these past few weeks.

All with no avail.

Sometimes there just aren’t the RIGHT words even though words usually come easy for me.

Sometimes you just get caught up feeling the feelings.

And...Sometimes you just want to LISTEN instead of being heard.

To be honest..... I don’t really know what I want to say.

How’s that for writing a blog?

I literally laughed out loud. Like the kind with the irony type of laugh.

The funny thing is....

So often there’s this need to PRESS on.

We’ve all heard it...

To be successful you have to ___________.

Sleep less.

Work more.

Talk the loudest.

Be the one most un-phased by the crap.

To me, that all sounds a lot like defeat than success.

5 simple ways to live happy without listening to everyone else.

1. Stop listening to everyone else.

Lol. Yep that’s the first one.

If you’re a dreamer of big dreams like me, How many people do you know who are doing what you want to do? Like the people in your life right now?

I can count on a few fingers.

As a whole, We share by experience. And most people will share their negative or semi ok experience of the thing you’re trying to explain to them.

So when I somehow find myself in a place where someone’s giving me their advice on a subject that I’m really passionate about pursuing I plug my ears and protect my mind.

No one.... I mean no one knows your wants. So don’t let them dictate your outcome.

2. Sleep more.

My sister who’s a brilliant Dr. of Chiropractic shared with me some info she recently learned about sleep.

Most people need anywhere between 7-9 hours of sleep per day.

There are a select few who can function off of less.

Sleep is like a bank. If you only get 5 hours of sleep one night.... then you have a deficit of 2-4 hours you have to make up so you’re body functions correctly as a preventative for sickness, tiring, aching and so on.

I hear more often how, to be successful, you need to sleep less than the rest.... and I have always wanted to call B*ll sh*t on it.

As an empath, I take in ALOT, so I CANNOT function with less sleep. I actually get sick...making it enormously ineffective for my performance on anything.

Now I’m not saying choose sleep beyond 9 hours everyday. Be EFFICIENT and INTENTIONAL.

3. Work less.

Yes. I agree, time is money. But most of us out there are working to stay busy.

I’m not out here saying DONT WORK. I’m out here saying be intentional about HOW you do your work so you have time to balance your personal life too.

Spend QUALITY time loving and being with those you care about.

Spend QUALITY time doing things you LOVE to do.

and spend QUALITY time giving yourself time to JUST BE.

Life beyond work is the reason to go work intentionally.

4. Talk is cheap. Be the example.

I could take all day about this one.

The ones with the LOUDEST opinions are usually the most INSECURE.

SAY less and DO more.

Show up every single day to do the work and let your work speak for itself.

You will earn the Most respect being the example, NOT to megaphone.

5. Be YOU unapologetically.

The only way to become the best version of you tomorrow is not to act like some else today.

How can you know who you’re dealing with if you never look yourself in the mirror?

Feel what you feel. And feel it deeply.

Be happy so much that it makes your cheeks sore.

Feel sad to know how deep things hurt.

And be HONEST with yourself so that you don’t ever get confused about whether or not you know who you’re up against.

You are innately GOOD. And you are ENOUGH.

Let yourself see who you really are because WE ALL need you to SHOW UP being the person no one else can be.

....

I apparently need to think a lot less, more often.

Showing up

Mon, 25 Nov 2019 01:55:00 GMT

For those who are new to my life, something last year I had become painfully aware of was my lack of “caring for and being present to the things I have in my life.” It’s been MY MISSION this year.

It’s been the theme on my vision board these last 11 months. And also the way I have seen God move in me and my family. All because we have been prioritizing it.

So many people have called, texted, messaged, and commented on social media about how strong we have been in all of this.

I can’t help but believe that God's all-knowing ability HAS BEEN PREPARING us, for NOT JUST THIS, but the things that are ahead.

And I am so grateful to have prayerfully chosen this year's theme of caring for the things I have in my life now to SLOW down our family life to prepare us for this type of moment.

While we still continue our business ventures and prioritize work....we have been finding a way to make US a PRIORITY.

There are many moments we still do it wrong. We often have to regroup and learn from the moment.

Most often, we can prepare our ATTITUDES for the future, but we can NOT prepare for situations that come up.

These last few days have been something that were completely UNEXPECTED and DEVASTATING....yet some of the most BEAUTIFUL and UPLIFTING days of our lives.

God works in the most wonderful and bizarre ways.

The amount of support and love that has been showered upon us has CHANGED ME.

There isn’t ONE thing that anyone NEEDED to do, yet thousands of you SHOWED the heck up.

Through messages about how strong we have been, how amazing our posts and blogs have been, the comments of compassion, the gifts, the cards, the-in general LOVE has been overwhelming.

Jarred has said to me many times, I wish others could feel this type of support and love. Not just in this case, but in daily life.

It’s often in this profession it feels like you’re alone. Like there are VERY few people who support police.

But what I realize now is that you all just silently live and breathe by EXAMPLE. Instead of shouting from the rooftops your support, you SHOW UP by the thousands.

You SURROUND those in need and you help them not to give up.

There are those few times in life where you realize that the large majority of people who come to be with you and support you, want the BEST for you.

Things like weddings, funerals, huge celebrations, ceremonies, etc.

They leave you with the feelings like ‘we need to do this more often’

Mostly, because we don’t.

We don’t show people ENOUGH how much they mean to us.

We don’t show people ENOUGH how much we love them. Sometimes we don’t even say it to them when they are in front of us.

We don’t show people ENOUGH our belief in who they are.

Until something BIG or TRAGIC happens.

Why do we wait?

Is it because we think they already know?

That we think they’ve heard it before 100 times?

Are we waiting for the PERFECT moment that just never comes?

It’s defining moments like this that make you realize there is NO PERFECT moment.

They haven’t heard it 100 times before and they don’t already know.

So I challenge you....

SHOW UP for someone today.

Tell people you LOVE them.

Give someone that HUG.

Tell them they are GOOD at their job.

Give them space to be UNAPOLOGETICALLY themselves.

You might get someone who’s shocked by your comment or kind gesture....but I can tell you the majority result will be so much better than you could ever expect.

It will change THEM.

And most definitely will change YOU.

'Feeling' is being alive to the fullest

Thu, 21 Nov 2019 01:37:06 GMT

One thing Jarred and I have been reiterating to each other is the importance of FEELING YOUR FEELINGS.

I got a message from a friend last night who spoke to me about what it was like to experience the feelings she had while her husband went through cancer.

While what we are going through is different, the facts are the same.

It is so important to feel your feelings.

We live in a world where grief is too touchy, and sadness should be turned to happiness. Anxiety changed to calm and life should just quite literally move on.

HAPPY is the only feeling acceptable to feel these days.

‘Do what makes you happy’ is the slogan of the decade.

While I WANT people to live their HAPPIEST lives, I also believe that just skating over internal issues to just do things that make u happy now, never gets you the result you want, let alone need.

That if we aren’t feeling good or happy or excited or the endorphins haven’t kicked in that THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH US.

What are the REAL feelings floating around our house right now?

Sadness, gratefulness, happiness, sorrow, exhaustion......to name a small few.

As a society going through life, I’m going to be really honest...WE ARE SHYING AWAY.

Shying away from it all.

Shying away from feeling our feelings. From being vulnerable.

From connecting with each other.

From the hard truth that with life comes hardships.

WHY?

I believe we are too busy.

It’s actually a vicious cycle.

To me, it goes something like this:

We have an emotion.

We don’t like that emotion.

We stuff it deep down and don’t talk about it.

We get busy and stay busy.

So we don’t have time to face what is under the rug.

Repeat.

We do this for years typically.

Creating unhappiness, settling for mediocre, and shying away from who we are really meant to be.

I am not saying these things to make you judge yourself harshly and feel bad....

But to give you hope from one person to another that I was once there and decided to stop settling. It’s been an imperfect process.

So I started by FEELING MY FEELINGS. And sitting there often times in a little bit of an uncomfortable stew.

It got me thinking. And questioning.

What it takes is AWARENESS. Letting yourself learn about YOU.

How you react.

How you listen to yourself and how you let yourself be open to the UNCOMFORTABLE feelings that sometimes come up when you don’t do the thing that seems to be ok with everyone else.

Most often what happens when we learn as young kids to just COPE, is to stuff our feelings and do something that feels good right now.

So if we don’t learn to talk, we go into our teenage and adult years perpetuating the cycles of NEVER learning how to look inside.

We are afraid to question.

Because if we question then we have to face the real answers and we may not like what we come up against.

The things we are feeling in this time seem all consuming.

While all of these feelings feel so overwhelming and uncomfortable Jarred and I keep encouraging each other and the boys to KEEP FEELING.

To Feel the deep SADNESS, for how hard it feels. What a beautiful thing it is to LOVE SO DEEPLY.

To Feel the overwhelming GRATITUDE, for how wonderful and unbelievable it feels. What a beautiful thing it is to HAVE PEOPLE WHO CARE.

To Feel the joyful HAPPINESS, for how good it feels to smile and laugh. What a beautiful thing it is to have SO MANY GREAT MEMORIES.

To Feel the deep SORROW, for how heartbreaking it feels. What a beautiful thing it is to feel CHANGE.

To Feel the inevitable EXHAUSTION, for how tiring it feels. What a beautiful thing it is to have AMAZING SUPPORTIVE family and friends to visit with until 2 am.

Feel the feelings to LEARN the lessons.

It’s when we stop feeling that we can no longer look inside to know who we are.

Therefore changing the people the world needs us to be.

The price that's paid

Sun, 17 Nov 2019 01:29:46 GMT

Is the price that’s paid worthy of the gift...?

In loss and sorrow there is rarely an easy way to look at the gift without feeling the pains of the sacrifice.

Emotions have been running high here in the koopman household. As well as the fishers and thin blue line communities.

Today I had a REAL moment.

We have been blessed to have many many people who have brought us food not to mention cards, little gifts, flowers, and many many more things.

The last few days we have been blessed to be surrounded by our family and friends and as we sat down for lunch I realized it was one of the first times the 4 of us were alone, together.

It is not uncommon that every night Jarred is working we wait for him to get home to eat with us on his shift break. Most nights it’s usually 7:30 or 8. There is a true importance we see in eating together and sharing our day.

His work nights are no different.

Today for lunch as we prayed before we ate, I WEPT.

For my family. For Harlej.

For the families who get to be together today doing the same thing we are.

Just being PRESENT.

Being THERE.

And that God has a plan more perfect that I could ever imagine to build us up and to unite.

Is the gift worthy of the sacrifice?

You never want to wish for any loss, BUT IF IT MUST COME, I WILL PRAISE WHAT I HAVE.

And never forget.

The waking in the night...

Thu, 14 Nov 2019 20:43:47 GMT

There are few words one person can say when you’re suddenly woken in the middle of the night by your phone ringing.

It’s true what they say that nothing good ever happens after midnight. And it’s even more rare when your husband works nights as a police officer.

Last night, was one of worst calls the wife of a law enforcement officer could ever have.

I feel lucky that my husband gets to go to work everyday with an extra pair of eyes. Not to mention his partners keen sense of smell and his very loud bark.

Not every police wife can say that.

While he was very ferocious by night…. he also was unlike most police dogs by day.

You could ALWAYS find him wagging his tail looking at his favorite guy. Letting kids pet him and spending many hours he and Jarred showed the community what they loved to do through demos. He was Always waiting for a command and forever trying to take his red Kong toy and sit in my Lilly of the valley.

I always knew regardless if I saw him there or not…..that he had had a good 15 minutes of relaxation chewing on a toy without me looking sideways at him with jarred saying ‘uuuh oh bubbas….momma found you.’

To see the bond Jarred had with him gave me goosebumps. It used to make me so happy to see them do their obedience training at home. I used to ask Jarred to show me how well he listened to all of his commands.

It never got old. I got to see it all the time…. I could see why others were always in awe when it was new to them.

And what made it so special is to know that the first time Jarred brought him home he wouldn’t even take him off of his leash because he was afraid he would just run away.

Which goes to show what a hard working man can accomplish when he expects greatness from his partner. They build the other to greatness.

And that it takes a whole family to choose this profession. The highs bless us and the losses devastated us all together.

Being so grateful for such a protective partner for Jarred ALSO brings with it such great sadness, the POTENTIAL OF LOSS times two.

You wait for both of them to come home together.

So when your husband calls you at 3:30 am and starts the conversation with, ‘I am ok…but Harlej is gone.’’ A part of you crumbles.

The loss feels unbearable. Your family breaks a little. And Jarred comes home alone.

Most people would prob think…. ‘all this sadness for a dog?’

And part of me could believe that.

Because most dogs wouldn’t follow you into the darkness of danger.

Knowing the boys won’t get up in the morning to go for their daily walk with Jarred and Harlej is JUST SO SAD.

It’s hard to even write this through my tears. Knowing he will only live now in the form of our memories.

The bonds you make in this profession are endless. The families we have been a part of and the lives we have been able to invest in and have them pour back into ours has been indescribable.

I know…just as we are, so are the men and women who have been brave enough to go into the darkness with Jarred and Harlej are being forever changed by this experience. They feel like there’s one missing from their shift.

I know they all took a sad sighing breath yesterday knowing the outcome could have been one of them.

Even though their job is to train for these real life events your hope is that they can serve their time and be rewarded with a nice warm bed next to your own to grow old in.

“Harlej.

There are no words I can say for how one little pup could impact so many people.

For the countless lives you saved today.

And for the loyalty and love you shared with your guy and us your family…

It has changed us.“

Talk about the feeling of water slipping through your fingers.

Loss is never scheduled and you’re never ready for it.

Love those closest to you.

For the day may be upon you and you aren’t ready for the outcome.

Help us to be brave like you Harlej.

5 simple ways to consciously parent a little better today

Wed, 06 Nov 2019 02:15:54 GMT

When our youngest son was born, I was messed up.

Like literally.

My hormones were so jacked that I was breastfeeding and GAINING weight. All while my other friends were (cue annoying Karen voice and eye roll) smaller than their high school weight.

I was sleeping anywhere from 2-4 hours a night because our youngest, Rowan had night terrors along with just a terrible time sleeping. As well, with Jarred’s schedule working nights and then having to come home to sleep to feel function worthy to go and deal with the duties of a police officer.

And I’m not talking for like a few weeks or a month this is how life went on. It was for at least 1 whole YEAR. Talk about crazy zombie town.

I was dealing with Post partum depression as an added bonus to the hormones and the non sleeping....which lead to many depressive nights and horrible thought patterns.

My marriage was falling a part at the seams, I was overwhelmed and so anxious.

I joke that I was psychotic.... but that is actually real news.

I went through a good few years sitting and stewing that way.

There were things that improved, like the sleeping and the feelings of hardship....

But I was NOT ok as life went on.

People often talk about the baby blues as if they were just a little blip in time that they had to go over.... sort of like the amount of time it takes to go over a real life speed bump.

Mine was going on years.... if you add together the depression and hormonal issues I had that started when I was pregnant with our oldest, Cannon. Continued with a miscarriage I had in between our boys that resulted in me having violent sickness for a month after we found out our baby had passed. Then continuing and lasting until Rowan was about 3. It was 5 and a half years.

5 and a half freaking years people.

I say all of this, not for sympathy or sad puppy dog eyes in my direction.... but to say I LOST some years with my kids.

It’s the thing that to this day I’m still working through my feelings about.

To be frank, it brings me tears knowing the only real memories I have of my babies are the memories I have seen from pictures or videos. Sometimes people will talk about that time and it will bring back a memory.

I spent many, many months crying if I ever saw our boys as babies in a picture or video. It’s as if I was a stranger looking at something I never experienced.

So when I got healthy...which is a totally new blogs worth of words.... I vowed I would take full advantage of BEING a mom I knew I could and wanted to be.

I told myself I wouldn’t wait to be a better mom tomorrow, or Monday. I would start NOW.

These are things I started with and still do to this very day:

PRESENCE is POWERFUL.

An awesome mom and friend of mine told me one day.....‘It’s amazing that if I spend 20 minutes being FULLY present with my kids how much it means to them’.

That in her mind, spending a few 20 minutes sessions a day FULLY ENGAGED with her kids made them feel like they spent the WHOLE day together.

So I started being present 20 mins a few times a day.

2. ‘FOLLOW THROUGH’ IS THE NEW BLACK.

Ok. Let’s chat for a second....

If you have never read the book boundaries by John Townsend and Henry Cloud, run...don’t walk to get it.

People thrive with boundaries. Kids.... are effected even more dramatically by them.

It’s the whole idea that if we know what lines to stay in we can play the game more efficiently.

When you give a child a consequence, follow the EFF through.

If you find yourself feeling guilty that YOU aren’t ENOUGH of a good parent for your child, don’t try to take TWO wrongs and make a right by not following through with something you’ve said to feel LESS guilty about things.

YOU ARE THE PARENT.

Kids need YOU to show them UNEMOTIONALLY the ways to be successful. A consequence to a wrong action teaches us that there is a way to be and there is a way that is not tolerated. Plain and simple.

I once heard a speaker say, “If you don’t discipline your child, the world will...and the world is a much harsher place to learn.”

I know I have my child’s best interest at heart....why would I put it in someone else’s hands?

Kids LOVE when parents give them stability.

And stability comes from knowing what to expect. Follow through after follow through after follow through gives us an understanding on what is acceptable....therefor giving stability.

So I started by saying what I meant and meaning what I said.

3. PLAYING ON PURPOSE

I am soooo grateful for a husband who is hilarious and crazy, and fun.

Outside of the times he asks me to chant like Ryan Secrest, “this is American idol!” Or dance like an idiot in the kitchen, he has taught me to step outside of myself and have fun.

I grew up living inside of the box. Being an identical triplet I always felt i was on a pedestal so I had to be perfect. ‘Don’t show weakness by doing something that someone could think was dumb’..... so I rarely danced my heart out or made crazy faces or noises....

Kids, especially boys, LOVE fart noises. And scary dinosaur screams. They love sticking their butts out to hop and dance toward you.

I had to come to terms with my own insecurities to just have fun and do these same things with them.

And as a result....They laugh uncontrollably WITH and AT me. And it makes my heart incredibly happy and gives them the opportunity to see that I want to be with them....doing what THEY love.

So I started by allowing myself to be silly..

4. LET YOUR KIDS DO ADULT THINGS WITH YOU.

If you follow my Instagram you’ve seen the boys cutting strawberries or cooking eggs at the stove.

They help me put away laundry, and they help jarred screw boards together.

One things I’m a huge advocate about is giving your kids opportunities to be with you doing things you want or need to do.

As a kid, my mom and dad, for special steak dinners a few times a month would give us our very own baby wine glasses. Literal, breakable glass.

It made me feel so special and a part of the family. I felt THOUGHT OF.

I want my kids to learn how to do things...which means making them a part of the process. But to also makes them know they are not an inconvenience. .....that THEY ADD to the experience.

So I started by letting them crack eggs.

5. IMITATION IS THE GREATEST FORM OF FLATTERY.

I’ll never forget when our oldest was a year and a half and I asked him to act like all the different members in our family. Mom, dad, grandpa, grandma... and he nailed every one.

I couldn’t believe how aware he was of who we were.....especially when we weren’t aware of what he was taking in.

There’s a whole other topic of generational survival habits... where we carry our parents survival methods they used due to their environmental happenings....even though we aren’t in those same circumstances.

Example: if someone’s parents lived during the depression, a survival habit they learned was to keep everything. And their kids learned those habits and continued them even though things are much more convenient and more easily accessible.

If we don’t watch it, our kids are going to believe that they have to take their phone with them every time they go to the bathroom. (Don’t lie.....I know you do it) Or that they believe it’s ok to yell at their own spouse one day. They’ll ignore neighbors or never learn how to chat with the lady at the cash register if we never do it in front of them.

If we want our kids to be good stewards...so must we also be.

Because of course they are watching our every move.

So I started by looking deeper at myself and doing the things I knew would be a good example to my kids.

And lastly.... you CAN NOT do these things if you’re overwhelmed and too busy.

Give yourself the space to live simpler so that you have time to put these things into practice.

Everyday is what makes the biggest impact and allows for your child to understand stability.

If you don’t feel like you’re being the parent you want to be, I am here to tell you through my own experience.....You have it in you. Just give yourself the time and space to make it happen.

Put these simple things into practice and watch life with your child change.

Being a GREAT parent requires very little money and ALOT of love.

Buying your kids love works while they’re young. But we aren’t parenting kids who are going to be young forever. Eventually they will want your TIME and YOUR EXPERIENCE. If you don’t set it in motion when they are young, it’s much tougher to get back when they’re a teenager. Not impossible. Just so much tougher.

Be PRESENT today. Otherwise you’ll end up like me.... losing out on TIME.

And that’s something I can’t borrow, buy or wish to come back.

5 simple way to be successfully who you want to be while living in the PRESENT moment

Wed, 23 Oct 2019 19:00:38 GMT

Lately, the thoughts have been circling.

When you don’t protect your mind to where YOU are headed....You get derailed.

By everyone else doing all the things.

You feel like you’re missing out on your opportunity.

You feel like you’re not pushing fast enough.

That everyone is going to get there before you do and nothing will be left for you.

No wonder we live in a world where we CANT BE PRESENT.

We’re not allow to stop long enough to enjoy the moment NOW..... we’re too busy working on the future moment.

I wanted to share a few simple ways I use being present to my life while working on being successful in things I am passionate about to live life to the best I can!

5 SIMPLE WAY to be SUCCESSFULLY who you want to be while living in the PRESENT moment:

1) Ask yourself - what ignites your soul and excites you right now in your life?

I swear, since I was 15 years old I was wanting to know what my path was....where was I headed? Because of course....everyone else seems to have it figured out already and I am so behind the 8 ball. WRONG! The moment I stopped worrying what I COULD BE GOOD AT and started believing in WHAT IGNITED MY SOUL and MADE ME EXCITED, is the moment life changed for me.

2) Stop scrolling.

EVERYTIME. Everytime I catch myself. When I start scrolling through social media I start feeling smaller and smaller. Feeling like I’m no where near my goals like everyone else I’m seeing. (most of what you see on Social media is not the whole truth. We’re only seeing the parts people want to show. Who wants to show themselves as anxiety ridden and overwhelmed and yelling at their kids? Who wants to see the mess that’s accumulated in the laundry room? And who wants to share the insecurities they feel? ) Remember that who you are is CAPABLE and RESOURCEFUL enough to do what you need to to get to where you want to. You just have to stop scrolling and believe in yourself.

3. Be present.

Simple as that. BE WHERE YOUR FEET ARE.

Stop wishing your time away by worry about the past or the future. One day you will be in the future wishing for your past back to have taken advantage of the relationships you could have deepened and cherished.

4. Have FUN and be HAPPY!

Life is NOT all about seriousness and pushing forward. If you’re like me your natural inclination is more serious about daily life than most. My husband and kids remind me every day to HAVE FUN and be silly! It has changed my whole life listening to their wise advise.

5. Remember: what is meant for you WILL NOT MISS YOU.

If you are powerfully putting effort into things you’re passionate about and not forcing things you ‘think you can do to be successful’ then be reminded that what is coming for you will not miss you.

Final Note: Ready yourself by becoming comfortable with building a steady foundation of happiness, patience and being present.

My college volleyball coach imprinted this lesson that I will never forget. DO THE SMALL THING RIGHT and THE BIG THINGS WILL FOLLOW.

Your future self when the bigger opportunities come along will thank you.

Gratefulness for a mess

Sat, 09 Jun 2018 18:53:06 GMT

I don't have a hard time filling my day.

Actually, it's quite the opposite. I don't always have time for everything I want to accomplish in my day.

-- Although I make time usually for at least one thing I want to do, even if that means it happens at 10 or 11 at night. Whether its craft time or a long hot bath time...I make it work.

Most of my day is filled with STOP, DROP and (fill in the blank). It usually encapsulates the ideas of running around our house playing hide and seek, or playing cops and robbers. Playing with Legos or reading books, or just stopping to take a mental note or video of the boys just riding their power heels or bikes around the yard. ALL.DAY.LONG.

My days are filled with running to the grocery story and multiple...I REPEAT multiple times a day creating concoctions of hilarious food samples that the boys want to make and/or eat.

If I'm not dressing boys to put their swimming trunks on, I'm dressing them so they aren't running naked (which more often times happens) around the yard.

And to top it off...TOYS...upon tiny shoes, upon tiny socks, upon tiny cups and plates I pick up on an hourly basis that used to make me upset.

...until I realized what a blessing it was to have people to pick up after. A family who uses our house and yard to its fullest potential. Two boys who love to be adventurous and play with the things they have.

A life I haven't always been GRATEFUL for when I dealt badly with post partum depression.

...and a life I now cherish, to say the very least.

The fact that I have people to SERVE and clean up for is my biggest blessing and my greatest reward.

One day I will have a house that doesn't have toys strewn all over, and tiny colored cups and plates to pick up. Or small socks and shoes sitting by the door waiting to be put on for the hundredth time today.

So today I will look through my internal camera and take in every moment that might bring me stress and turn it around to be my space to be grateful for the family who lives here.

The Life and Times

Tue, 01 May 2018 18:49:53 GMT

Hey! I'm Kim.

I love well. I'm a person who sees the glass half full. Almost indefinitely.

I was never really great in English class. I never took much to grammar or the right punctuation. So if you're one of those who seems to be irritated by the wrong comma or apostrophe in the wrong order, then mosey on past. Cause you'll likely have a hemorrhage reading my content.

What I lack in the "right way" of doing things, I more than make up for in my passion for doing things with full clarity, positivity and by fully embodying the emotion I feel in the present moment.

The romantic in me wants you to know that all sense of normalcy goes out the window when I'm experiencing things. I've talked candidly with many of my coaching colleagues about my inability to turn off the use of my internal camera.

Have you ever had a moment that just moved you. A moment that made you feel something you just couldn't explain. A moment that made you stop... I have that. All.the.time. This internal camera that takes snapshots of the emotions, colors, smells, textures, and tingles....to name a few. A moment, like that in the movies, that makes the characters move in slow motion. Where the soft melody or music makes you understand that something big is to be remembered.

That's the way I feel about life.

It is to be cherished. Processed. Remembered.

Image by Gloria Neidermann