Standing behind the ones who hold the thin blue line
Kimberly Koopman • December 14, 2019
The phrase, “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone” has been something circling in my mind the last month.
I’m going to preface this by saying I’m about to give you some facts....but please hold on, I’ll get to the point.
Jarred and I have been married for almost 9 years. He began his career with the police department less then a year later.
I’ve been in a group my whole life. As an identical triplet, I have been used to a bond that only 1 in 200 million can ever relate to.
I can talk about ANYTHING with them and even if they’ve never experienced it, I know they can semi relate.
I am grateful that LOVE IS BLIND because moving to Indiana from Saskatchewan Canada away from my triplet sisters, my family and friends to get married was TOUGHER than I expected.
I didn’t have friends here. I knew Jarred’s family and no one else.
We both played competitive sports since we were young until about the last 10 years.
So we know what it’s like to be on a team. To feel like you have a whole other family of people who care about you and invest in you.
10 years ago as we stopped playing...I thought that was over. Or at least until the boys get old enough and we will be involved in THEIR sports families.
Jarred got hired on at the police department as I was pregnant with Cannon. And I was so sick before I gave birth and completely depressed afterward. I also ran into the same pattern with the second pregnancy we had that resulted in a miscarriage. And then again as I was pregnant with Rowan.
So it was a good 6 years of being “AWAY” from the police department only to get to know a select few officers and their wives.
Jarred knows all the officers.
I, as a police wife, KNOW OF all the officers...and to that only actually know a very select few and their families.
I almost never went to any social gatherings other than the awards banquet and the Christmas shift party they have once a year. Not because I didn’t want to, but I was so busy dealing with life, depression, my marriage and babies.
The last three years though have been slowly and beautifully different.
As Jarred and I have been able to “come out of the woods” of family and life stuff we have been able to OPEN OUR FAMILY up to this department of police families.
We’ve been able to really dive into some amazing friendships with some of these families, feeling the effects of being on a team again.
Being with them after they delivered a new baby.
Having game nights, laughing till all hours of the night.
Pool parties.
One on one family dinners.
AND YET I STILL DIDNT UNDERSTAND what I would gain once something was gone.
Now don’t get me wrong.
We have Wonderful friends outside of the police department. I think it’s NECESSARY. Capitol on the necessary. Mostly to live in the world where good things do exist.
It’s really easy to get jaded by society when the large majority of people your spouse deals with are people doing the wrong thing, lying or trying to take advantage of situations.
But the important part of what I am writing here is that there are FEW people who understand what it’s like to be married to the person behind the badge.
And the beautiful thing I am understanding is that there are wives who have been here 15 years longer than me who I can learn from. And there are wives who are new who I can relate to.
Behind the badge, there are all kinds of stresses.
Especially the kind that has them thinking what could happen in the blink of an eye. I often say, I can mull over and make a VERY calculated choice and STILL make the wrong choice. Can you imagine making a life or death decision in a matter of seconds?
When they go to work...especially if they work nights we become an instant single parent. Toting our families around to extra curricular activities by ourselves.
Most police wives I know are very independent women. They wait for no one and they do what they must to keep the train on the tracks.
When something traumatic happens officers are the first ones there. Can you think what that does mentally to you after 25 years of service? Especially if you don’t have something outside of police work to focus on.
We as the spouses often have to NAVIGATE OUR feelings about the dangerous part of their job.
Often taking for it for granted that they go to work every night playing hide and seek with people who don’t want to get caught. Usually carrying weapons.
As harlejs death has been a reminder of how precious life is so am I reminded that there are people here who can relate to me. Who feel the pain of loss just like we do.
So when we get together for the annual police wives ornament exchange and I miraculously can go, I do.
Why?
Because it’s and extension of your own family.
They see life a smidge differently than other friendships.
Might it be because we hear about the death and danger that they deal with every single day? Maybe.
Mostly because we NEVER can be sure that they will come home night after night.
“You never know what you have until it’s gone” is a reminder of the REALITY of loss Jarred and I and the boys feel in Harlej’s death. And the same REALITY of loss felt by the many families directly related to any first line of duty death.
That they don’t go to work in a suit and a tie in a building that is SECURE. They put on a uniform to go in the UNSECURED spaces to help those in need.
But the statement is also a reiteration of what we HAVE STILL.
Its friendships with wives who understand your fears.
Its wives who understand your joys.
It’s wives who know the way you feel.
It a bond that by association you immediately feel with each other.
They’re often a huge reason you have meals for the next two weeks after something big happens.
They’re often the reason you know you’re not alone in your fears.
They’re often the reason you don’t even doubt they would be there if you called.
And you are grateful God made you a part of this beautiful team of women and men who are behind those who hold the thin blue line between good and evil.
Today marks 2 years. Two years of learning what it means to sacrifice fully. To sacrifice with very little or nothing in return. 2 years today marks Harlejs bravery and determination to do what he was trained to do. And the sacrifice of his life is one I will not likely ever forget. I’m hardly a person who likes to dwell too long in suffering… I welcome it….because I know it’s good for me….and connects me to others. But I rarely stay there too long. We need to take from suffering the gift it gives us, but it can be a dangerous place if spent too long dwelling there. So instead of sharing sorrow today… I want to share a few of the very SIMPLE lessons these last few years have given or shown us. Because our hard times only continue to be hard if we don’t see and share the lessons we have learned. Lesson #1 Sacrifice spreads positivity in a way selfishness can never. Look at any hero in history. Their sacrifice always inspired a ripple effect, felt even centuries later. Our world often creates a lot of selfish people. Trying to get ahead, putting themselves before others. So when we have someone willing to step up and be selfless, people are inspired to follow. Action: Even when it’s hard, and uncomfortable…Be selfless. Step up. Lesson #2 You need good men who are willing to do bad things in order for society to work for the weaker man to remain safe. This is a statement that has seemed to have gotten lost in our world today. With the increased rise in “do what makes you happy” and armchair quarterbacking everything that’s controversial it’s caused the world to feel like we get to say anything that will bring the drama….with no consequence. As opposed to looking at the situation for what it is and being reminded that sometimes for the greater good we need to do the more controversial thing. Action: Make a choice to be one of the good men who step up, OR stop judging those who do. Lesson #3 GOOD things come from BAD situations. Any of us who have ever truly looked at life can attest to this sentence. While the loss of Harlej was a really hard and eye opening experience, the blessings that reigned down on us after his death became uncountable. From the people we have met, to the experiences extended to us… The people who come up to Jarred and I on the street to just share how Harlejs sacrifice effected them has probably been my favorite. There isn’t one thing that we have taken for granted because of the ripple effect of his sacrifice for the community. Action: Don’t be afraid of the hard and tough situations in life. You’re likely to be rewarded if you keep your chin up. Lesson #4 No day is guaranteed. As a police wife, I’m not often worried on a daily basis for Jarred and his partner. Mostly because of the awesome community we live in but because I also make the CHOICE every day to put Jarred and Rico’s (and at the time Harlejs) lives’ in Gods hands. While I realize I enjoy controlling as much as I possibly can, there are just some things I WILL NEVER control. THE TIMING OF LIFE. It reminds me to live today present, humble and happy. There are so many things I can’t control in this world… But the things I can, like my attitude and effort, I better use to the best of my abilities. Action: Be present and Be steadfast in the things you can control and give the rest up to God. Lesson #5 Believe in the good. I’m not going to lie. This has been a hard one for me these past few years. With the current political and healthcare climate it’s hard to know what the heck is happening let alone how to feel about it all. “Don’t be too far left, but don’t be too far right,” they say. At the same time as corrupt people and organizations having alot of control over the way the world is running. Anxiety and depression on the rise and people living in fear. “Does anyone have a persons best interest at heart?” Harlejs death reminds me that good wins over evil. That we don’t always know how, or that we don’t always know when but that good wins ALWAYS. Action: Even in fear, believe in the good. I can not end this post without sharing the incredible and most important gift he gave me. Harlej's death was one of the only factors that allowed Jarred and the other guys to come home that night. Without the gunshot, they would have never known he was armed and clearly dangerous. The call was for a drunk driver. What they didn’t know was that the guy was connected to murders in Indianapolis and over 20 shootings in a month and a half. A dangerous and known criminal. I am so grateful of the number of training hours Jarred and his K9 partners put in. For their call to this career and the passion they have for it. Truthfully, that night scared me. Being woken up to horrifying news shook me. While it wasn’t Jarreds life, it was one of our own. And his life, being a k9 represents something bigger than I really understood until that moment. The very thin line between good and evil and those willing to hold that line for the greater good. I am grateful to Harlej who would run in to save Jarred a million times over. May I live everyday being reminded of your lessons Harlej. — Kim
“ I serve well in my brokenness NOT just when I’m perfect and ready.” I had a thought today. As I was in my prayer time....which doesn’t happen when it should..but when I need it. ...this thought.... Do I come today in service to you God to be a gift I can serve the world with as my broken self? Or do I come to you ready to serve when I’ve got all of myself figured out? It’s the thing we all do. Wait. To put our purpose or our gift out there until we are perfect and ready. We wait in fear. Knowing we are NOT perfect and ready. ...And question: will we ever be ready? We worry. Because the world makes us believe that everyone else around us is NOT broken and has it all together. So I thought.... Is our gift to the world only good when we "GET perfect"? Or is what we have to give STILL GOOD even in our brokenness? Do we wait until we have figured out the problems and have solved them and are now the savior of our own lives? As if we were once broken and are now whole? And I felt These words... “You serve well IN your brokenness Kim.....not just when you are perfect and ready. Because you are PERFECTLY READY in your brokenness." So often we feel like we have to have it all together. That we are perfectly managing ourselves to have the answers and to be the best. To.be.Perfect. And even in my own experience.... My own life in the last 5 years has grown to be bigger than I ever imagined.... Not through some sort of “having figured it out”... But by sharing my struggle. My brokenness. It is not in perfection that people are attracted to my work or my gift. But BY my brokenness. My want to share my struggles. In hopes that others can share in it and feel less alone. Gods promise isn’t a life void of struggle... But a life, if we lend our hearts to a beautiful blend of gratitude and struggle, of TRUE happiness. And in that.... is something that I can lean on. Because none of us are less broken than the other. We are all capable of greatness THROUGH our brokenness.
Photo taken by: Gloria Neidermann January 30th, 2019 As long as I can remember I was a go getter. I didn’t just sit by while others hustled around me. Even as a kid. I was always moving. Always Active. Those who couldn’t keep up usually went to take a nap in the afternoon while I continued on. I thought slowing down was for the “weaker” minded. It’s often portrayed that those with “success” worked so hard at the one thing they wanted to be successful at that everything else goes to the wayside.... Or at least for a while. So what happens to the person who has big goals but doesn’t want to give up on everything else they have going on in their life? As life continues to evolve for me, I’m gaining such perspective on SIMPLICITY. And if I’m being honest the ideas of success and big goals and a life of simplicity do not automatically go hand in hand. If anything they seem like opposites. I’ve had a few come to Jesus moments lately. A few philosophical conversations with friends. And some really deep and tough chit chats with Jarred about this said topic. How can someone find big goal success and simplicity in life at the same time? The answers. Through DISCIPLINE and CONSISTENCY. If you’re struggling right now keeping up your New Years resolutions... or the promises you have made to yourself time and time again... Remember this. Discipline and consistency are not something you EARN by just doing it. They’re something that even when you get to your goals...you STILL have to work hard at discipline and consistency EVERY SINGLE DAY.
November 21, 2018 This pictures depicts such a high point in my life. The girls and I up on stage together, top 5. But what you don’t see is that this was the deepest, darkest time of my life. I was completely depressed. Dealing with post partum depression still, even though our youngest son was a year and a half old. My marriage was not only suffering but was falling to pieces. I wanted very little to do with being a mom and my life choices were completely selfish and destructive. The even scarier part was I wasn’t even aware of the suffering I was going through. So I suffered alone. Pushing everything I couldn’t handle anymore away. Even though this looks like a HIGH point....it was really my LOWEST. What a person never understands is the battle going on in someone’s life. The suffering or the hardships they face regardless of their own volition or not. Its a good reminder to know we all suffer at some degree in life. That having suffered makes us more VALUABLE, more CAPABLE and more CONNECTED to each other. If it wasn’t, Jesus would never have SUFFERED to SAVE us. I have been there. I have walked the dark night. And through the suffering I gained so many things I could never have possessed without the hardship. It’s one of the main reasons I got into coaching. To help people understand that suffering and hard times doesn’t mean a hard life. But that life is just taking a whole new turn for the best.
September 29th, 2019 Tonight I physically had to STOP myself mid vacuuming. As I’ve stated before I’m a task freak. Give me a list and I’ll get it done.... (except that NEVER dwindling home one 🙄) I need reminders to just BE with my children. While I LOvE them beyond measure and love spending time with them.... Unless someone’s bleeding, there are sirens or they are talking at me directly... the tasks that fall top of mind are my own personal ones.... While my husband Jarred does ALOT for our family.....I’m usually the keeper of all the keys as the mom and wife right?! Can you slightly relate? So I left the vacuum sitting there. Literally in the middle of the floor and I said ‘come on boys! Let’s get ready for bed and then we can read books.’ And then we just hung out till they had to go to bed.... we laughed. We talked about the day. We talked about what was bothering us. Yes, do I want a clean house? Yes, do I want the things I need to do to get done? Sure do... But the boys won’t ever remember if the house was vacuumed everyday. They’re going to remember the nights they stayed up a little longer than normal to read books with their mom. Or the time she chose ME over work for 15 minutes. OR the conversation we had about liiiittteeerrraallly NOTHING. So I encourage u today. Put down the book or the spatula, or the work, or the actual vacuum and be reminded that your kids look up to you. They CHERISH YOU. And they want YOU. Not the TV. Or the IPAD. They want YOU.
