As I was watching the news tonight (which I almost never do) something hit me...and I began to cry.... I keep telling people as they ask how we are doing after Harlej’s passing, that there are 2 real answers.... either I say “we are doing great.” And-slash-or “there is some healing that can’t happen till it happens.” Before his k9 training to get his new k9 partner Rico, I continued to tell Jarred that there are some emotions we just can’t work through without being put into an experience that makes us emotional. That’s when the real healing happens. In this moment in time...with 85% of the American public working from home you realize the emergent necessity of a career in police work. Among the necessity of many other service careers. Somehow, My family is full of service men and women. A brother and a brother in law who are firemen, a husband and a brother in law who are police officers, a mother (who used to be) a sister and a sister in law who are nurses, and a brother in law who serves in the United States military. These are all immediate family. And so I know how hard they are working leaving their homes to go out and be in the midst of what feels like the wild fire. With so many people home, losing jobs, with kids home all day long, having to worry and work through school work, wondering where and how they’re going to pay for their lives...it is causing enormous amounts of stress and hard situations for many many families. I recognize and speak for the many police families who’s spouses or family members are having to go to dangerous calls of domestic violence, abuse and neglect. Even tonight. As Jarred is working. I hear sirens race past our house...And I pray. For everyone involved. That they would be kept safe. And how I worry for my husband more today than I usually do. As I told Jarred not many weeks ago as he was having an experience with Rico that reminded him of Harlej that “there are only certain things that come up as we live our lives that will show us where we need healing” ...tonight of all random nights.... I had my own reminder. I have avoided (out of my own emotional security) much emotion towards a very specific news worthy story. A woman, mother and police officer who died last week while responding to a domestic disturbance here in Indianapolis. Officer Leath was going to a call which is NOT unlike many of the normal calls all police go to that ended her life and changed the lives of her son and family in ONE SPLIT SECOND. As I was watching, it hit so close to home. — For us, 5 months deep and the immediate feelings aren’t as palpable as they once were. Feelings we had felt, had moved through us like vessels. And as much as we wanted the feelings to stay, they’ve slowly vanished.... ...only to be seen again in an experience or memory that brings us back to the hard truth of what has happened. As I found myself listening....entranced by her story on the news I sat there and watched, and it was happening, like an undeniable force...streams of tears came down my face. It brought up emotions in me. Sad emotions. Feelings that the moments with Harlej were way to short and that his brave life ended so abruptly. Sad feelings for Jarred, knowing the hard work and dedication that just ends and makes you have to begin all over again. Fear that it could have been him that night. The fear of the reality of life right now. Men and women RISKING their lives fighting the good fight. When Harlej died, I remember family and friends engulfing our house. A continuous filing of cars and people mourning and celebrating in our home with us. I remember hugs with random strangers. Tears with family and friends. The people who came out to physically support us. The memories of closure in a beautiful and big funeral....for an officer who laid down his life for his team and community. And the tears came too tonight...for officer Leath..... her selflessness. Her life. And for her family that doesn’t have those same beautiful acts of love from their community right now. In this uncertain time where distance is necessary. Her family will NOT know the healing power of a hug from random strangers wanting to cry on your shoulder. While they will have many officers show up to support and many people at home supporting....They will never know the healing power of the many thousands of people that would PHYSICALLY show up to shower love and support to a beautiful woman who died protecting others. All of the things that gave us SO MUCH healing. Not only for us, but for many others as well. For them, the grieving will stay longer and the healing will have to come....many months later. They will have their time to experience a memory...that brings them to feelings of healing that only come with time. I never knew officer Leath personally. I had never heard of her. Yet she not only is leaving a beautiful legacy.... She is offering people like me....an experience through her death that’s a reminder of healing in my own life..... And a memory I will cherish forever. To Officer Breann Leath, thank YOU for your selflessness, your service and your life. You’ve left a mark on those who know you and love you....and even those who didn’t.