Being a law enforcement family has its challenges
Kimberly Koopman • January 28, 2020
The way many people and the media currently portray the police community has had us wondering as if the question in our minds is true.
“Are there very many people who believe in the mission of what police men and women do everyday to protect between the line of good and evil?”
The job of police officer is completely UNPREDICTABLE. They never know exactly what their walking into, yet they ALWAYS go.
How many of us can say we would do that job? If I’m being honest, the largest part of me, WOULDN’T personally sign up to take that position.
Funny, the irony of being married to Jarred who did.
The hardest part of all, as a K9 team, they are most often front lines to any pursuit.
As a wife, I often worried whether Jarred and Harlej would come home each night together.
The countless times we shouted goodbye as they would run out the door to help someone who needed them was the exact reason I felt so grateful that Jarred had his K9 partner with him.
Harlej was a part of our family. The boys spent numerous hours playing fetch with him and as any dog, he would play until he got tired. Then he would take his Kong toy and sit right in the middle of my flowers to cool off. I would usually notice and say “Harlej! No buddy!”....as Jarred would laugh.
Every single morning, Jarred would take him for his morning walk and no matter what the boys were doing they raced to get their boots and jackets on to take a walk with them.
November 13, 2019 is a date etched into our hearts. A horrifying memory. It is the night Jarred called me at 3:30 in the morning to tell me that Harlej was shot and died while searching for someone who had ran from them.
The sorrow in his voice was palpable.
I cried, terrified, hoping it was only just a nightmare.
It is the call NO police wife should ever have to hear and the one we all pray, if it has to happen, skips over our family.
One of the other officers working that night, a good friend of ours, came to the house to pick the boys and I up and brought us to the hospital. It is where we saw Harlej and were able to say goodbye one final time.
That morning, Jarred came home alone. Without his partner and to a feeling of emptiness.
When we left the hospital I thought WE would be sad. That the SHIFT would be sad. And that we might have a quiet little funeral at the police department.
But when 6:00 am came and the news broke the story, we never couldn’t have imagined the whirlwind that ensued upon our world.
Our phones blew up with friends and family who wanted to know if Jarred was ok and how sorry they were to hear the news about Harlej.
The days that followed became a blur and our house became a place people came to process their feelings around what had just happened. It was a revolving door from anytime in the afternoon until the wee hours of the night.
Friends, and family, officers and administrators came to make sure we were ok. They brought food upon food, gifts and cards, things to make the boys smile and shared memories of how Harlej had impacted their lives.
When Jarred and I learned that so many people had brought dog treats, cards, posters and pictures we were BLOWN AWAY. There were flowers, and wind chimes, stuffed animals and tennis balls. All to honor OUR hero Harlej.
Gifts, monetary donations to the K9 fund, police patches and coins, photos and blankets, not to mention the cards that came not only from our community but from all over the United States and Canada. We are still receiving things...and it’s January.
As we read the cards and listened to your stories, I thought back to the morning at the hospital when I wondered how this was going to affect us and realized, IT WASN’T just us....
This tragic loss was affecting our whole community.
It was RIPPLING from our hearts, to our police family. Rippling to the extension of the blue line family, to families all over the country and beyond.
This wasn’t just a story about a dog dying.
It was the story being written about how SELFLESSNESS PREVAILS for the greater good of the whole.
It’s what officers do on a daily basis.
The men and women who went into danger that night with Jarred and Harlej are heroic. The countless men and women who on duty did their jobs so no one else got hurt, those who came while off duty to search to find the evidence left behind, and those who fought to make the wrong that happened that night into a story of success. NOT FAILURE. ...Our family is so grateful to you.
It’s taken me some time to process how much this has meant to me. To our family. And I think more processing is still to come.
To someone who was questioning whether people still believe in what officers do in the fight between good and evil... I NO LONGER question.
You have given me a hope that could never come without such tragedy. You have shown me that there IS a belief in the mission of what police officers stand for. Instead of shouting your views on the rooftops, you SIMPLY and EFFECTIVELY show up.
You surround the ones who need you and you support in a way that has physically, emotionally and mentally CHANGED US.
We are a simple family that believes in simple living.
We are very aware that NO ONE has to do anything. Nothing has been required by anyone. No gifts or cards needed to be sent, no money gifted. Not one fundraiser or gift sent.
And yet so much has been given. So much support has been shown and you all have gifted us with a new perspective on how to look at this life with GRATITUDE.
We can no longer move forward in the same ways as we did before this experience.
We are proud of what, in Harlej’s sacrifice, has given us.
We are proud to be a police family.
And all of this couldn’t have happened WITHOUT the support of our community.
You have lifted us when we felt sorrow.
You supported us in love.
And you gave us a renewed view of what it means to be a family who sacrifices for the greater good.
Thank you doesn’t come close, to express how grateful we are.
Sometimes, I can’t believe this whole time, we were living with a HERO.
Thank you Harlej....for uniting a community and showing us what real selflessness is.
Today marks 2 years. Two years of learning what it means to sacrifice fully. To sacrifice with very little or nothing in return. 2 years today marks Harlejs bravery and determination to do what he was trained to do. And the sacrifice of his life is one I will not likely ever forget. I’m hardly a person who likes to dwell too long in suffering… I welcome it….because I know it’s good for me….and connects me to others. But I rarely stay there too long. We need to take from suffering the gift it gives us, but it can be a dangerous place if spent too long dwelling there. So instead of sharing sorrow today… I want to share a few of the very SIMPLE lessons these last few years have given or shown us. Because our hard times only continue to be hard if we don’t see and share the lessons we have learned. Lesson #1 Sacrifice spreads positivity in a way selfishness can never. Look at any hero in history. Their sacrifice always inspired a ripple effect, felt even centuries later. Our world often creates a lot of selfish people. Trying to get ahead, putting themselves before others. So when we have someone willing to step up and be selfless, people are inspired to follow. Action: Even when it’s hard, and uncomfortable…Be selfless. Step up. Lesson #2 You need good men who are willing to do bad things in order for society to work for the weaker man to remain safe. This is a statement that has seemed to have gotten lost in our world today. With the increased rise in “do what makes you happy” and armchair quarterbacking everything that’s controversial it’s caused the world to feel like we get to say anything that will bring the drama….with no consequence. As opposed to looking at the situation for what it is and being reminded that sometimes for the greater good we need to do the more controversial thing. Action: Make a choice to be one of the good men who step up, OR stop judging those who do. Lesson #3 GOOD things come from BAD situations. Any of us who have ever truly looked at life can attest to this sentence. While the loss of Harlej was a really hard and eye opening experience, the blessings that reigned down on us after his death became uncountable. From the people we have met, to the experiences extended to us… The people who come up to Jarred and I on the street to just share how Harlejs sacrifice effected them has probably been my favorite. There isn’t one thing that we have taken for granted because of the ripple effect of his sacrifice for the community. Action: Don’t be afraid of the hard and tough situations in life. You’re likely to be rewarded if you keep your chin up. Lesson #4 No day is guaranteed. As a police wife, I’m not often worried on a daily basis for Jarred and his partner. Mostly because of the awesome community we live in but because I also make the CHOICE every day to put Jarred and Rico’s (and at the time Harlejs) lives’ in Gods hands. While I realize I enjoy controlling as much as I possibly can, there are just some things I WILL NEVER control. THE TIMING OF LIFE. It reminds me to live today present, humble and happy. There are so many things I can’t control in this world… But the things I can, like my attitude and effort, I better use to the best of my abilities. Action: Be present and Be steadfast in the things you can control and give the rest up to God. Lesson #5 Believe in the good. I’m not going to lie. This has been a hard one for me these past few years. With the current political and healthcare climate it’s hard to know what the heck is happening let alone how to feel about it all. “Don’t be too far left, but don’t be too far right,” they say. At the same time as corrupt people and organizations having alot of control over the way the world is running. Anxiety and depression on the rise and people living in fear. “Does anyone have a persons best interest at heart?” Harlejs death reminds me that good wins over evil. That we don’t always know how, or that we don’t always know when but that good wins ALWAYS. Action: Even in fear, believe in the good. I can not end this post without sharing the incredible and most important gift he gave me. Harlej's death was one of the only factors that allowed Jarred and the other guys to come home that night. Without the gunshot, they would have never known he was armed and clearly dangerous. The call was for a drunk driver. What they didn’t know was that the guy was connected to murders in Indianapolis and over 20 shootings in a month and a half. A dangerous and known criminal. I am so grateful of the number of training hours Jarred and his K9 partners put in. For their call to this career and the passion they have for it. Truthfully, that night scared me. Being woken up to horrifying news shook me. While it wasn’t Jarreds life, it was one of our own. And his life, being a k9 represents something bigger than I really understood until that moment. The very thin line between good and evil and those willing to hold that line for the greater good. I am grateful to Harlej who would run in to save Jarred a million times over. May I live everyday being reminded of your lessons Harlej. — Kim
“ I serve well in my brokenness NOT just when I’m perfect and ready.” I had a thought today. As I was in my prayer time....which doesn’t happen when it should..but when I need it. ...this thought.... Do I come today in service to you God to be a gift I can serve the world with as my broken self? Or do I come to you ready to serve when I’ve got all of myself figured out? It’s the thing we all do. Wait. To put our purpose or our gift out there until we are perfect and ready. We wait in fear. Knowing we are NOT perfect and ready. ...And question: will we ever be ready? We worry. Because the world makes us believe that everyone else around us is NOT broken and has it all together. So I thought.... Is our gift to the world only good when we "GET perfect"? Or is what we have to give STILL GOOD even in our brokenness? Do we wait until we have figured out the problems and have solved them and are now the savior of our own lives? As if we were once broken and are now whole? And I felt These words... “You serve well IN your brokenness Kim.....not just when you are perfect and ready. Because you are PERFECTLY READY in your brokenness." So often we feel like we have to have it all together. That we are perfectly managing ourselves to have the answers and to be the best. To.be.Perfect. And even in my own experience.... My own life in the last 5 years has grown to be bigger than I ever imagined.... Not through some sort of “having figured it out”... But by sharing my struggle. My brokenness. It is not in perfection that people are attracted to my work or my gift. But BY my brokenness. My want to share my struggles. In hopes that others can share in it and feel less alone. Gods promise isn’t a life void of struggle... But a life, if we lend our hearts to a beautiful blend of gratitude and struggle, of TRUE happiness. And in that.... is something that I can lean on. Because none of us are less broken than the other. We are all capable of greatness THROUGH our brokenness.
Photo taken by: Gloria Neidermann January 30th, 2019 As long as I can remember I was a go getter. I didn’t just sit by while others hustled around me. Even as a kid. I was always moving. Always Active. Those who couldn’t keep up usually went to take a nap in the afternoon while I continued on. I thought slowing down was for the “weaker” minded. It’s often portrayed that those with “success” worked so hard at the one thing they wanted to be successful at that everything else goes to the wayside.... Or at least for a while. So what happens to the person who has big goals but doesn’t want to give up on everything else they have going on in their life? As life continues to evolve for me, I’m gaining such perspective on SIMPLICITY. And if I’m being honest the ideas of success and big goals and a life of simplicity do not automatically go hand in hand. If anything they seem like opposites. I’ve had a few come to Jesus moments lately. A few philosophical conversations with friends. And some really deep and tough chit chats with Jarred about this said topic. How can someone find big goal success and simplicity in life at the same time? The answers. Through DISCIPLINE and CONSISTENCY. If you’re struggling right now keeping up your New Years resolutions... or the promises you have made to yourself time and time again... Remember this. Discipline and consistency are not something you EARN by just doing it. They’re something that even when you get to your goals...you STILL have to work hard at discipline and consistency EVERY SINGLE DAY.
November 21, 2018 This pictures depicts such a high point in my life. The girls and I up on stage together, top 5. But what you don’t see is that this was the deepest, darkest time of my life. I was completely depressed. Dealing with post partum depression still, even though our youngest son was a year and a half old. My marriage was not only suffering but was falling to pieces. I wanted very little to do with being a mom and my life choices were completely selfish and destructive. The even scarier part was I wasn’t even aware of the suffering I was going through. So I suffered alone. Pushing everything I couldn’t handle anymore away. Even though this looks like a HIGH point....it was really my LOWEST. What a person never understands is the battle going on in someone’s life. The suffering or the hardships they face regardless of their own volition or not. Its a good reminder to know we all suffer at some degree in life. That having suffered makes us more VALUABLE, more CAPABLE and more CONNECTED to each other. If it wasn’t, Jesus would never have SUFFERED to SAVE us. I have been there. I have walked the dark night. And through the suffering I gained so many things I could never have possessed without the hardship. It’s one of the main reasons I got into coaching. To help people understand that suffering and hard times doesn’t mean a hard life. But that life is just taking a whole new turn for the best.
September 29th, 2019 Tonight I physically had to STOP myself mid vacuuming. As I’ve stated before I’m a task freak. Give me a list and I’ll get it done.... (except that NEVER dwindling home one 🙄) I need reminders to just BE with my children. While I LOvE them beyond measure and love spending time with them.... Unless someone’s bleeding, there are sirens or they are talking at me directly... the tasks that fall top of mind are my own personal ones.... While my husband Jarred does ALOT for our family.....I’m usually the keeper of all the keys as the mom and wife right?! Can you slightly relate? So I left the vacuum sitting there. Literally in the middle of the floor and I said ‘come on boys! Let’s get ready for bed and then we can read books.’ And then we just hung out till they had to go to bed.... we laughed. We talked about the day. We talked about what was bothering us. Yes, do I want a clean house? Yes, do I want the things I need to do to get done? Sure do... But the boys won’t ever remember if the house was vacuumed everyday. They’re going to remember the nights they stayed up a little longer than normal to read books with their mom. Or the time she chose ME over work for 15 minutes. OR the conversation we had about liiiittteeerrraallly NOTHING. So I encourage u today. Put down the book or the spatula, or the work, or the actual vacuum and be reminded that your kids look up to you. They CHERISH YOU. And they want YOU. Not the TV. Or the IPAD. They want YOU.
